284: How to Turn Triggers into Growth and Protect Your Peace Without Losing Yourself with Shaman Durek

In this powerful follow-up conversation, Light Watkins reconnects with Shaman Durek, now married to Princess Märtha Louise of Norway, to explore what life looks like when love meets public scrutiny — and how to stay grounded through it all.

Since his last appearance on the podcast, Shaman Durek has entered into royal family life, become a bonus dad to three daughters, and stepped further into the public spotlight. He shares candidly about the media attacks, betrayal by close friends, and navigating the pressures of fame — all while learning how to protect his peace without closing his heart.

This episode isn’t just about headlines or spiritual theories — it’s about real-life growth, hard-earned wisdom, and the daily choices we all face when life feels overwhelming. Durek opens up about setting new boundaries, how his marriage has transformed him, and the importance of creating safe space in relationships where both partners can be vulnerable without fear.

He also reflects on his long-term health challenges, including dialysis treatments, and how they’ve deepened his commitment to living with presence and love. From redefining masculinity to holding compassion for those who hurt him, Durek’s journey is one of radical accountability and spiritual maturity.

Whether you’re in a relationship, navigating judgment from others, or just trying to be more of yourself in a noisy world, this episode is full of grounded insight and heart. Tune in to hear how Shaman Durek is building a life of sovereignty, service, and authentic connection — even in the global spotlight.

Transcript

SD: “What I've noticed in myself is my boundaries are very different now. I used to be a very open person where I would just let anyone come stay in my home and be in my space and talk to people about anything and everything. I don't do that anymore. I'm very much about the friends that I have been friends with for a very long time. And I feel like I can be like completely myself and free and with them. But when I'm in public, I watch what I say and I watch who's around me. I don't post anymore like when I'm out and about and unless I go to a place. And then when I leave, then I can post because I don't wanna be bombarded with paparazzi ruining my night. I don't wanna have cameras in my face. I don't wanna feel like. Everyone knows where I'm at. And also there's a security measure of that as well too. 'cause of being a part of that family, there is an aspect of I don't need crazy people trying to find out where I'm at so they can confront me. I'm very protective of my family and my kids and my wife and me from people who would seek to social climb or seek to gain some kind of agenda over me in some way. I don't need to expose myself to those type of things.”

[INTRODUCTION]

The last time Shaman Durek was on the show, his relationship with Princess Martha of Norway had just gone public. Since then, they've gotten married and the media attention has not let up. 

As you may remember, Shaman Durek is very eccentric in his lifestyle and in his beliefs in spirits and other shamanic things. And so in this episode, we explore what it's like to be judged by the world and how that shaped the way that he protects his energy and his peace. 

You'll also learn how to stay grounded when your identity is under pressure. How to love without losing yourself, and why friction in a relationship might actually mean you're doing it right. 

We start with how Shaman Durek's marriage to Princess Martha of Norway reshaped his identity and what it's taught him about loving someone fully without losing yourself in the process.

And if you want to skip ahead, you'll find timestamps to all of the chapters listed below.

Let's dive in…

[00:02:11] LW: Shaman Durek welcome back to the podcast. You've been on before and usually for the first time someone comes into the podcast we go over the backstory, the superhero origin story, which we did with you.

And we talked about your upbringing and how you came to be who you are today. This was pre-wedding, though. The first interview is pre-wedding, so there's a lot that's happened since then. And so can you just catch us up on where you are today, what's going on now that you.

are. You're married, 

you're living in Norway. What's been happening? What are you excited about? What has shifted in your life personally and professionally since the, union with uh, Martha and, Yeah. Just tell us what's been going on.

[00:02:50] SD: Yeah. I think, what's really been shifting in my life is also being a bonus dad with three amazing girls. And also when you're dating someone, you're long distance, you're seeing each other once in a while, but when you're actually married, you see each other every day.

And there was always these fears that I may have that. How am I going to adjust to that? But in fact, it actually has been quite an amazing experience. I love my wife, I love my kids, and it's been a really amazing acclimating into her family. I think the challenges that I met in the beginning which is always continuation of challenges, which has been around the media and the press, and, people's opinions and ideas of the fact that they don't want someone like me who's a shaman and who's also.

A black man in the European rural family. But at the same time, I don't live to other people's opinions and ideas about me. I don't take ownership of that. So for me, it's more been about really being clear about who I am and what I stand for, my beliefs, my morals, and my attitude towards really being of service for people and serving God and being there for my kids, and also being there for my wife and, owning my own sovereignty and her owning her own sovereignty.

And so that's been great. And then also, shooting this TV show that's coming out this year about our love and how we, our whole journey through love with each other, and like, I always like to say love wins because it doesn't matter how many times people say nasty things or, try to create disparaging ideas about me or, to try to trash any aspect of my character.

It doesn't matter because what's most important is, the acts and the love that I create on planet Earth and the way of service. And for me, my devotion to God, my devotion to family is paramount in its number one. And so that's been really great balancing shaman dur and balancing my life in that family as well as what is expected of me by being in that family.

[00:04:53] LW: You've been getting dragged for years in the media and people, making these comments about you and your work, because people just don't really understand it. And there's not a lot of point of reference for that. But it, I feel like now it's been on sort of a worldwide stage. What have you noticed within yourself?

'cause I'm always curious, as people who identify, as, spiritual teachers, healers, et cetera, shamans, the fact that you're in a human body, you're on planet earth, means that there's still some, there's some healing that needs to happen, some transformation needs to happen. What surprised you about the way you responded to the sort of worldwide reaction to your latest uh, not even your latest?

But it's just the fact that it's become so, widespread and well known. What surprised you about your own reaction and the way You navigated that?

[00:05:42] SD: For me it's mostly about being able to stay authentically true to who I am, but at the same time not making it about me. I. And I think what a lot of times what happens, and I notice in the, in, in the spiritual health and wellness community is that everyone is looking for the accolades or the acknowledgement of self and what they do.

And that's not my role in life. My role in life is to hold space for humanity, hold space for people, and to show people what's possible in them and how powerful they are. So for me, what's been really great about the whole experience is that when you are constantly attacked in the press, like every single day and you have death threats and you have people constantly trashing your Wikipedia or your Instagram or saying all kinds of things about you that are not true, you really have to get to know yourself in a very deep way with God.

And for me, that really strengthened my, my, my ability to really stand true in who I am because I've looked at all of the. Past people in the world who have had lives that people didn't agree with. Everyone from Nelson Mandela to Dr. Martin Luther King, to Milo Angelo, to you name it.

Everyone who is a trailblazer or an edge maker or someone who's out there who's disrupting the system is going to be met with some form of, ridicule or criticism or some form of people not liking you. But if you are. If you bend because people don't like you, then you shouldn't be out there in the world doing what you're doing anyway.

Because people who are, who get to a space in themself where they get really grounded in who they are, are not affected by those things. And what it taught me is to have greater resilience and my resilience and like with my wife and like just us being very clear in our meditations, in our prayer, and also navigating, the reality of truth.

And that reality of truth is, I. I am not some guru. I am not here to save this world. I am not here to fix people. I am here to hold space for your divine intelligence and for your emotional intelligence, and for showing you what you can actually achieve with your own energy and being a dynamic source of creative energy that is exploring the energy dynamics both personally in your life and how it, how can it really create change?

And so for me, it's been more about, oh, okay, so this is what people are saying and it's what they're doing. Now, do I have a feeling about that? Do I have a feeling about family members and friends selling stories and lies about me to make money and to garden off of what I've built with my family and what I've built with the community.

And if people feel that's what they need to do, you know, I just pray for them and I bless them, and I want them to have everything their heart desires. I want them to find peace and joy in their hearts because I emancipate myself from their darkness. I don't participate in the narratives that people write about me or tell about me, but it took me some time to get there.

It wasn't like this overnight process. It was really identifying. With why I'm getting triggered, why does this hurt? Why is this affecting me? And then it goes back to when you're a kid in school, when you're growing up where you wanna be accepted and you wanna be loved, and you don't want people to talk bad about you.

You don't want people to see things about you that are not who you are, and you feel like you have to defend it. And what you realize as you become more and more a public figure. You have to stay more humble and humbleness is a very important thing when you're in the eyes of the media and people.

You cannot put yourself above people. And that's something I really am proud of myself about because I don't see myself as a guru and I don't come in with this. I have to figure everything out. I'm here to, I'm also here remind, remembering things I'm learning from other people. I'm open to, even with every person who I connect with, it's not about what I know.

It's about what we all can share with one another to be great. And that's what I focus on.

[00:10:03] LW: Yeah, and I love that you said that because I think going through the crucible that you've been through, especially when you have people like your own mom coming out and saying stuff about you, it's actually quite, people don't realize how liberating it is. Once you get to the other side of that, it's like, okay, people can say anything and I've had to, you have to get to a point where you're okay with you and you accept, you.

And then it's like you've transcended the criticism, so I don't think we realize how attached we are to other people's opinions. Until you get to that place that you're describing, 

[00:10:34] SD: Yeah. And it's intense. Like you wake up every morning with Google alerts of like people writing about you in every country of the world, saying the most craziest things. I think the last one they said that I wasn't invited to my father-in-law's birthday because he was upset with me, which is not true.

There's no dissension or any kind of conflict within the family structure, but people wanna create that narrative so that they can get people angry, like, oh, he's upsetting, the family, or he's doing this. And honestly, none of those things apply and having such an amazing family structure, both on my side and on my wife's side, and we're all very, like, loving towards one another.

We talk everything out. We look at all points and we really honestly care for one another. I think that also has helped a lot too, is having a very progressive family. That's able to see the things that have happened in the past with other families and that they didn't wanna have that same type of connection and relationship.

And so we decided to do things differently. And I think that's very, I think that's very telling of where we're, where we are in our evolution, is that we, it's all a matter of perception. It's all a matter of how you choose to look at things. And I look at it from the fact of when I was a little boy, I said, God, make me strong.

Make me be able to stand in the face of all adversity. Give me the ability to support people. Help me to be able to speak true of the words that you share with me, to share to others, right? And that. Is the exact thing that God has done for me. My mother and father God and the Angels and ascended Masters and Orishas and all of them.

They have made these things possible for me so that I can become resilient and I can become, to a point where those things don't affect me anymore. And I still stay in my space of service where I'm not feeling like I have to wake up every morning like I used to with panic attacks and thoughts of suicide.

And, people constantly attacking you every chance they get. And when they attack you, it's not just them attacking you, it's friends who you thought were your friends for a very long time. Selling stories to the press and lying about using the press as a hate platform against you.

And you just have to really look at people and just go like. I'm gonna pray for you today, and I'm gonna pray that you find joy. I'm gonna pray that you find prosperity, happiness, and wealth. I'm gonna pray that you find, have good health and good spirit with whoever whoever you are with and whatever you're doing.

Because the moment you start getting angry, which I went through, and the moment you start. Feeling like it's not fair. You start falling into the darkness and then literally the darkness that's affecting them is now also affecting you. So it becomes like a two for one deal kind of way. I look at it and also it's not hurting them, it's hurting me.

It's hurting my immune system. It's hurting my central nervous system. It's hurting my body, and I wanna stay in a place of love. I wanna stay in a place of acceptance. I wanna stay in a place of, that's why I don't curse people out and call people names, because I feel like it's, it doesn't serve the divine to call my brothers and sisters names just because they're existing at a different evolution.

I just simply understand where they're existing and I know why they're doing what they're doing. They're in desperation. They're, they look at it as a survival, and I'm a survival ticket for some people because all you have to do is go in the press and sell a story and make some money, and that's what they do.

And not everyone does that, but the ones who do I, if that's what they feel they had to do, that's what, that's on their consciousness, that's their energy. It doesn't belong to me. And my role is to maintain love. And in the face of adversity, it's to be able to remember that every painful thing that I have gone through in life was not for me to become angry, bitter, and shut off.

But it's there for me to give more love, more kindness, more generosity, more awareness of how I can better life with every person that I come in contact with, because I'm not holding that animosity or that stress anymore, or those energies anymore. And with everything that's coming out with Netflix and everything that's, being put out on a global platform, I.

Meeting with Netflix and them telling me that it's going out to like 700 million people and all these different things that are about to kick off this year. I am even looking at that because when I am in Norway it's a very interesting feeling that people don't really understand what it means when a whole country knows who you are.

Everywhere you go, everyone knows. Like, sometimes I go up to people and I go, hi, I'm Durek They're like, oh yeah, we know who you are. And it's like, I sometimes forget that, oh yeah, everybody knows who I am in this country, right? And then, coming to LA or going to any parts in America, certain people know me from the, my books and things like that, but they don't know me at that level that I get when I'm in Norway.

And so I have a place where I can actually be a little bit more free, a little bit more, like, where I can just kinda let go a little bit where I'm not always being scrutinized, always being looked at, and. What am I wearing? What am I saying? How am I carrying myself? Am I being kind enough?

Am I being polite enough? Like, those are the things you deal with when you're in that family where when I'm here, I can just be however I want with my friends and just let like, like let myself go. But what's gonna be fascinating is when the other platform releases these other things globally, that's not gonna be available.

And then I have to really go to the next level of how do I create the balance of making sure I'm, I have something that's left for me and enough to give to the people and enough to give to my family and enough to give to my kids and enough to give to my wife, but also making sure that my solidarity is still being honored and respected by me, and that I'm not just being bombarded by every single energies that's coming at me, but I actually create a safe haven for myself to be able to.

To be in a place where I can be of great service for people without the idea of where I see a lot of my friends in that world spiraling out, so right now, all I'm doing right now is laying the groundwork for what that looks like. What needs to happen for me to maintain that and what level of self care do I need to keep administrating to myself in order to stand in that space and still be victorious in myself so I can serve people even more.

[00:17:08] LW: I was wondering about that, how your boundaries have changed or evolved over the years. Because you're right when you go, when you elevate to a global level and people are more familiar with the sort of superficial version of Shaman, 

[00:17:24] SD: yes. 

[00:17:26] LW: And then they hear things like, oh, shaman likes to play with stickers and dolls.

And it's like, are you now, are you a little, are you becoming more careful about who you share? Things like that with these days you're engaging with press and just casual conversations. 'cause it's also, like you said, it's nice to have things just for yourself, like the whole world doesn't have to know about it.

It's not like you're trying to hide it, but it just, things require so much context, for people to really get That relationship versus just taking it, spinning it into some crazy, version of it and then using that to disparage you. 

[00:18:02] SD: Yeah, exactly. So what I've noticed in myself is my boundaries are very different now. I used to be a very open person where I would just let anyone come stay in my home and be in my space and talk to people about anything and everything. I don't do that anymore. I'm very much about the friends that I have been friends with for a very long time.

Those are my OGs and I feel like I can be like completely myself and free and with them. But when I'm in public, I watch what I say and I watch who's around me. I don't post anymore like when I'm out and about and unless I go to a place. And then when I leave, then I can post because I don't wanna be bombarded with paparazzi ruining my night.

I don't wanna have cameras in my face. I don't wanna feel like. Everyone knows where I'm at. And also there's a security measure of that as well too. 'cause of being a part of that family, there is an aspect of I don't need crazy people trying to get, find out where I'm at so they can confront me. So there's a lot of, I don't let my friends tell talk about where I'm at, where I'm going, what I'm doing.

If you see me there, great. If you don't. But I'm still the loving person and still kind and still generous and still supportive to people when they do come up to me on the street and notice me and say things, I'm always there for people. But I'm very protective of my family and my kids and my wife and me from people who would seek to social climb or seek to gain some kind of agenda over me in some way.

I don't need to expose myself to those type of things. And I don't just go to anyone's. Events or parties. I always do a little bit more due diligence. Is it really necessary for me to be there? Is there a reason why I am there? What's my intention for being there? Not where I used to just be like, yeah, let's just go do stuff.

Like it's more awareness of where I'm going and what I'm doing and why, and who I'm around, and who are the friends that I have, who are they associated with? Because. What I have found is that some people may have associates that don't understand my protocols and will take whatever understanding they have of what my life represents now because they don't know what it means to be in that family.

They don't know the restrictions, they don't know the rules, they don't know how I'm supposed to conduct myself and so forth. So I don't expose myself to a lot of things that are not necessary for me. And I spend a lot more time at home and more time with my kids and more time at the with the horses or with my wife and my close friends.

I make plans with them and I execute those plans in ways where I feel safe so that they don't even have to be exposed to it as well, even though some of them like it. It's not nice for me to always go somewhere and have a camera in my face or someone tape recording me and so forth. So yeah, it has changed a great deal of how I interact with society and how, what type of places I venture to, in which kind of places I don't.

But I never put myself above people. I never think, oh, because I'm this like, no, I, me and my wife have the same mentality when it comes to, we're not here to be better than other people because that's not possible. We're all unique individual expressions of the divine.

I'm here to be me. She's here to be me. I'm not here to walk with heirs and be like, oh, this is who I am, and blah, blah, blah. No, I'm here to be as real and as honest, and as authentic and as very forthright in the way I speak and communicate and share. And at the level of acknowledging each person's existence as valuable and necessary.

And so that gives me. You know something that really gives me a strong foundation because when you don't make it about you and when you start focusing about people and you keep it on the people, you don't let your head get big, you don't get caught up in all these things. Like, yeah, sure, it's nice to be in that family and all the things that come along with it, but it's not like something I feel like, oh, I have this better life than you, or any of this kind of stuff.

It's always about how can me and my family create more to serve the people. It's all about the people, and I think that really gives me a great feeling inside because I'm not beating up on myself to be Shaman Dirk. I'm not forcing myself to do something I don't wanna do. I live my life every day asking myself if I love it, I'll do it.

If I don't love it, I won't do it. It's the same way I feel about food. If I don't like the taste, I'm not going to eat it, and if I like it, I'm going to eat it. I'm not here to people please, people. I'm not here to meet other people's expectations and what they think about me. I am here to be a person who holds love for the planet and anchors that love in everything that I do.

So yeah, so that has been a very change for me in my approach to friendships. I don't just let people in my life anymore.

[00:22:59] LW: You have to protect your space too in order to be, to fully show up as yourself and to do what you're here to do. So that also requires some maybe just refusals to do things that you would have done in the past. How long have you been with Martha now? How many years has it 

[00:23:15] SD: It's been um, six and a half.

[00:23:18] LW: Talk about how your, understanding of relationship has evolved over those six and a half years.

What's the sort of framework that you operate from now? 'cause you're a very open person. you've mentioned some of that in the past and has any of that. Changed in any significant ways since You got married and all of that.

[00:23:35] SD: What has, what I have found, which I found very fascinating, is that, and I'll speak for myself on this, is that I had these ideas about what it means to be in a relationship with someone who's as powerful as Martha is. And very, I always wanted to have a relationship with someone that's transparent.

I yearned for it my whole life, but I wasn't willing to be transparent, so how could I create that? So it's been a journey of. Observing my own behaviors towards what I show up for with myself, makes it what I'm capable of showing up for with her. And what has been the greatest thing that I've learned is how powerful having a powerful woman by your side, who has her own wisdom, her own ideas, her own concepts, her own beliefs about things and how you don't ever, like Martha and I, we don't, we've never called each other out of name.

We've never cursed at each other. We've gotten into discussions, we talk everything out. We listen to each side, and then we find ways to learn from one another. It's not a matter of power games or power play like I've done in my old relationships because I wasn't secure within myself. And I realized that.

My relationship has gotten so great because of how great I am towards myself, how willing I am to look at my flaws, how willing I am to realize that I don't know everything and I have so many things I can grow into. And even being in a family where Martha has three kids before, with her late husband.

They already have a structure that was put in place. And I came in with this idea of like, this is how I was raised and this is how I'm gonna do things. And that didn't really work. And what it was great was that I went to her and she was like, what you need to do is ask me how you fit into this and let me demonstrate for you and show you how you fit in and how you talk to the kids and how you deal with their situations and problems that may arise.

And that has given me such a clarity of really listening to my wife, to my sisters, to my nieces, to women more, really learning about the male chauvinist programs that I was programmed with in my bloodline from my father's father's. Father's. How we men associate things in the way when we feel like we're getting in trouble for something we're doing.

Our relationship tells us something that we're not in alignment with. And instead of us getting defensive, our trying to hide from it. But really embrace it. And that has made my relationship so amazing because we're able to talk about everything and from a place of love. She's not saying, oh, you are a bad person.

She's like, here's an area where you can grow. Are you willing to look at it? And if I say, no, I'm not willing to look at it right now, then she says, okay. Do you feel like you wanna, like, well, we have these conversations where it's not a you have to do this, or I'm not gonna love you. It's a, I'm here to hold space for you in your evolution and this relationship.

Is based in evolution. I have to be willing to continuously evolve and learn and receive. And she has to be willing to continuously evolve, learn, and receive. And that makes us really good parents. That makes us really good friends. That's why she's my best friend. And that makes us really good lovers.

And so it really creates a strong foundation. And I'm glad that I went the old school way when we first got in, when we fell in love with each other, which was to be completely into the courtship aspect of our relationship without adding the other elements that people like to add before they go into a relationship.

But really get into the friendship and get into learning and being able to accept one another for each other is without creating preconceived ideas of who I think she should be or how I think she should act and vice versa. And that's given us. A really great foundation and we're constantly growing.

Like there's, this isn't like, oh, we're the best relationship in the world and we know everything. No, it's a continuous growth and we learn things about each other by watching our friends wa and listening to each other and sharing ideas that I would've never been open to if I didn't take the journey of really realizing that all my tumultuous relationships in the past was because I was being tumultuous to myself inwardly and the way I was showing up for myself.

And when I started to realize that I could be honest with myself about my flaws without beating up on myself or thinking that I'm a bad person, I was able to transcend the ability to listen to my wife without taking it personally. And I think that's a really important thing for relationships when it comes to growth pattern, is to not take it personally and realize that this person is only telling you this because they wanna see you better yourself.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

[00:28:29] LW: Yeah, and I think one of the struggles that a lot of quote spiritual people have is they want to project and impose their spirituality and their beliefs about what it takes to be spiritual or what it takes to be healed onto their partner. And they they basically, and by doing so, we invalidate our partner's journey and we have to realize that.

We are attracted to this person because they're on a path and they're growing in the way that they're growing and the way that they're growing is perfectly suited to the way we're growing. We're gonna bring things out of each other. So talk a little bit about that. Talk about relationship when it comes to I'll just use the word triggering us in ways that we need to grow or in ways that we need to heal.

I love what you said at the end, that you're on the same team, and that's, I think that's a very powerful awareness, but not, both partners tend to be on that, same page at the same time. Like, we'll get there in different ways, but what's a way to as a sort of masculine, maybe we'll call it the leader of the relationship, how do you commandeer that understanding so that it doesn't fracture the bond?

It strengthens it. 

[00:29:31] SD: You know what I find, and going back to what you were saying about how people find, they could be at different places in their evolution, but I think that if you have a willingness to realize that vulnerability does not make you weak, actually allows you to be open to change and transformation and growth.

And so for me it is about how vulnerable can I be with my wife and. So that I can grow and evolve, right? And it's not about me evolving for her or me changing for her. And I think a lot of times what is challenging for people in relationships is that they don't wanna be told what to do. They think that the rest of the world is constantly putting all these pressures and ideas and expectations on them.

So why would they wanna hear someone you know that they say that they're in a loving relationship with, constantly point out their flaws and their weaknesses and the points in them that they don't even wanna look at. And the key element of that is. It's the safest person that you could actually grow with that you could actually grow with someone.

But it takes each partner to recognize that yelling and calling someone names or putting them down is an act of not only your own self-abuse, but you're abuse that you're projecting onto your partner because you are not getting what you want instead of realizing that those things don't have a place in a relationship.

Like I told my wife that if I ever call you a name or put you down, I'm gonna walk away from this relationship because I feel like I will never wanna disrespect you because I hold you in honor with myself. And so if I'm willing to put you down, then I'm definitely, basically claiming that energy for myself and that's, that is something that is inside of me.

And so triggers are wonderful opportunities to see what you are guarding, what you're protecting from love, what you're trying to limit, love from healing. And so like, I'll give you an example. For instance, I was at this Ethiopian restaurant with my wife and two of my very dear friends. And at the end of the dinner I said, oh, I'm gonna take you, get ladies out to dinner because that's what a man is supposed to do.

And all of a sudden I saw the woman looking at me on the table and my wife goes, excuse me, in front of, in front of my lady friends. She said excuse me again. Run that by me again. That because you, because we're women, you have to take us out to dinner because that's what a man is supposed to do.

As if we don't have our own money and our own careers and our own success. Do you think we're that we need you to take us out to dinner? And immediately this trigger came up inside of me because I felt embarrassed, but at the same time, I. Felt like I'm getting in trouble. So all of that ran up for me.

And then immediately it was like, don't fight this. Like this is a quantum leap opportunity. This trigger is coming up because you feel embarrassed and you feel insecure. Express that insecurity. And so I said on the table, I said can you tell me that again? 'cause I wanna learn from this. And the women across the table were like, what?

And I was like, yeah, I wanna learn from this. What would be the correct way of saying that? She said, instead of saying, I'm a man and I'm taking you ladies out to dinner, how about I just wanna treat you ladies out to dinner? It doesn't have to be that I'm a man and this is my role, and it's like, and like depreciating their own ability to maintain their own sovereignty and their own ability to maintain for themselves.

It's not about me being a man. And that was an old belief that my father always used to say to me, which was like, you are the man. You have to step up. You have to put the bread on the table. You are the one who has to, pay for everything. And yeah, I can pay for everything, but it can't be because I'm a man.

It has to be because that's just the generosity of my heart, and that's what I want to do. And what it did was it helped me face this insecurity in the moment that it happened. The trigger was so strong, it was like a burning sensation in my body. And then it was this immediate liberation of, like.

I have like, let go of the need to safeguard that that, that wound, and that's where I think it's been really beneficial in my relationship with my wife, is that we don't need to safeguard our wounds from each other. We need to expose them. I. Show them to each other. Like, Hey, I've got this cut here and this bruise here.

Like maybe you have some medicine, some words, some ideas, some ways I'm vulnerable right now. I feel like crying right now. Can you hold me? Yes. And then she'll say like, sometimes I feel like crying. Can you hold me? Yes. That doesn't depreciate me in my masculine energy at all, and it doesn't depreciate me as a man.

It actually makes me stronger as a man because I can still be that man who dances with my wife in the kitchen and brings her flowers, not because I have to, because I choose to, because I enjoy being that type of person. So when it comes to the difference in people's relationships, I think the biggest issue is that everyone is trying to hide their wounds from each other, and everyone has an idea of what they want from each other instead of just accepting the person where they're at in their evolution and being loving and kind and supportive if they're open to that support.

[00:34:51] LW: I'll be vulnerable right now and just say that I have not been as vulnerable as I've wanted to be in my relationships because I haven't felt that there was a safe space for me to express in those ways. Meaning express as openly and as honestly as I wanted to, and have it be received in a judgment-free way.

And I base that off of, obviously past interactions and how partners that I've been with, they have responded to those, and I've always dated strong women. So you're with a very strong woman and you're able to be vulnerable. Is there something that strong women can do to facilitate or create space for more?

Because I think we all want that. That's what brings us closer together. That's what makes us feel more connected is when both people are being vulnerable. What's something that Martha has done that you've appreciated that has allowed you to become more, more vulnerable? 

[00:35:48] SD: One of the things that she does is that, like, let's say for instance, I'm at a I am exaggerating about something, or I don't have the exact information as she saw it, right? Instead of saying I'm wrong, she goes, I hear you're what you're saying and everything.

However, that's not exactly what I remember. Do you feel like you left some things out or, like, it's like she never, it's not like she doesn't punish me. She doesn't come in and like get mad at me. I. I haven't evolved into something, she doesn't, she laughs at things, when there's mistakes made, she laughs about it, and I laugh about it.

Like if, like when she used to get upset about things, she used to sometimes stomp her feet and like, like pace the floors. And I used to make jokes like, today we're at the Jurassic Park exhibit and we have snap Orella walking the floors right now, and she starts laughing, like, we make it fun.

We make it that the process of growth and evolution should never be met with beating up on someone or, judging and condemning them or thinking they should have had it already figured out. That's not why we're here. We're not here to be perfect. We are here to evolve. And I think what she has done.

That, as I always say this to her, is that she never gets upset with me. Where it makes me feel like when I felt, when I was a kid, like, oh, I'm gonna get in trouble. I'm a bad person. I don't wanna be vulnerable right now because I'm already getting in trouble. And, and she said that to me one day.

She said, I notice a lot of women tend to create this idea about what a man should be and how he should be. And she gets, they get frustrated and annoyed. Why would you get frustrated and annoyed with someone that you say you love? Well, if they're not willing to evolve, it's a clear indication that's not your mate.

And so if you are choosing someone who you feel you can't be vulnerable with, that's because you are not being vulnerable with yourself. Your only every single person that you call in a relationship is an example of how you treat yourself. So there's parts of your being that requires more nurturing from you more awareness of vulnerability. And when you get into that space with yourself, you'll attract someone who can hold that space for you. But if you're attracting someone who's like has an opinion and like, gets snappy and upset and yells at you or gets mad or disappointed, but doesn't see that, then that's not a person who wants to evolve in a relationship with you.

That's someone who has already created an idea of who you should be. And because you're not fitting into that idea of what they want you to be. 'cause it's all fantasy anyway. It's like that's why people suffer. 

It's like the same thing I felt when my mom went into the press and made lies about me. At first, it hit me so hard in the center of my gut.

I remember my sister calling me and she was like, oh my God, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. And I felt the same thing. And then when I went to Spirit, spirit said, the reason why you're hurt right now and why you're really affected in the way you are is because you have this model idea of who you think your mom should be and what a mom should be.

And because she's not matching that fantasy version of what you think a mom should be, it's hitting you really hard because you're going and comparing her to every other mom that you wish you had. But you don't have that mom. That's not your mom. And there is no idea of what a mom should be. It's like, who is she?

And look at her for who she is, not who you want her to be. And once I was able to. Martha was able to present that to me. Like, I know you're here to evolve. You're gonna make mistakes. You're not gonna have it all figured out. You're not gonna remember to put to do things, certain things that I've asked you to do or certain things, but your willingness to evolve is why I stay in this relationship.

Your willingness to evolve is why I don't need to beat up on you or be aggravated with you or say mean things to you to get you to change. Because beating up on someone to change is not love. And that comes from a misalignment of your own inner truth because that's what you're doing to yourself. So you believe that you have to do that to someone else, or that's what your survival needs were, which is, I'm gonna hound you until you change.

That doesn't make anyone change. That just makes things worse. And I think if we give a little bit more awareness of that stop creating these fantasy ideas of what we think our partners should be and start accepting what we have. And if we don't like it, then say, you know what? I can't just digest, I can't digest your ways.

I, I can't come into a place of unconditional love with you. I feel like I wanna control this on some level, and that means that you're not my mate because there should be no control whatsoever in a relationship. Martha doesn't have control over me and I don't have control over her. She has her own sovereignty.

I have my own sovereignty. And we come together and we share ideas and we create new wisdoms with one another and we, we keep a transparent energy. If I felt like one second that I wanted to do something, like, a lot of times men will have this idea like, oh, I wanna go cheat. I'm gonna tell Martha I wanna go cheat and, and get it off my chest.

'cause maybe it's just something I need to communicate that I'm not getting, even though it's never come to that. But the point I'm making is the level of vulnerability is also for you to be authentic to yourself. And if you're running around trying to meet their expectations in order to be loved, to be liked, to be cherished, to be accepted.

That you've already lost acceptance with yourself?

[00:41:04] LW: That's a very powerful outlook. As you were talking, I was thinking about. I heard you on Michael Beckwith's, or I saw you on Michael Beckwith's podcast and you were talking about how when someone compliments you, they're actually complimenting themselves. That's, That's my paraphrasing of what you were saying.

And I was curious there's so many things that are in the news today that's triggering for a lot of people. Anything about Elon Musk, anything about Trump, stuff about Andrew Tate, these kind of polarizing figures who I.

would say in their own way have reached the place where you are right now, which is they don't give a fuck about what other people think about them anymore, and they're completely themselves, right?

And so we toss around these labels like narcissist and gas lighters and manipulators, like it's Halloween candy, but at the same time. We wouldn't want people projecting those kinds of labels onto us. So I'm just curious what your. Relationship is like to those kinds of labels when it comes to seeing the best in others.

And is it, what's the real test of whether or not you, because you mentioned, your mom not being the type of mom you wanted. What does that transformation feel like when you transcend that, that expectation and you get to this new place? Are you able to have a relationship with your mom or are you at a point where you're like, Well, you know what, I'm just gonna love her from a distance.

Do you have to gauge like how close in proximity you are to these people? Are you able to look at anyone in the news or in the world stage and say the same thing? Is that spiritual bypassing? Like where talk, just break. Let's unpack this so we can understand how, 'cause I'm sure everybody listening to this has someone in their life, their boss, their coworker, who they don't like and they want to get to that place.

But what does that actually look like in real life?

[00:42:46] SD: Well, for me, I always look at every energy outside of me as an opportunity to look at the places inside of me that require more love. So when I look at the world and I look at everything happening right now, I look at all of the greatness that is taking place on the planet right now. Like. Every, in order for things to change, things have to be brought up.

They have to rise, right? So darkness right now is rising up for the, not for the purpose of us to get upset, but for us to see how we are allowing these distractions of getting upset, limit us from seeing the potential of what we're capable of creating for ourselves. I don't give power to any system or person on the planet to dictate my happiness, to have dominion over my peace of mind, my, my peace of joy that I create for myself.

So I. When I see all of these polarized figures in society, I know they are there because I even talk about it in my book, spirit Hacking. I talk about the great upheaval, and in order for the light to really emerge itself out, it needs to transcend the darkness. It can't keep using darkness as a dualistic way of being.

Light doesn't work that way. So light is always about like, okay, more light on the planet, more darkness has to come up so that it can be healed, so that it can be loved, so that it can have more compassion towards it so we can develop more awareness with it. And what I always find fascinating, especially in the spiritual community is when I talk to people, they say to me, oh I'm a healer.

I'm a being of light. I'm a person who's here to bring transformation on the planet and so forth. But I. I hate this person. I can't stand this. And these people irritate me and look what the world is falling apart. And I had to sit back and ask myself. You say that you're these things, but you do not live in that spectrum.

You live in the spectrum of destruction. You live in the spectrum of chaos, and that's what's got your attention. So you're not serving the light, you're serving the imbalances on the planet from being more polarized. You are giving more power to the polarization of these things for its necessary component.

So when I see someone saying to me these things I say to them. You are not creating more light on the planet. Someone who creates light on the planet would never say this planet is falling apart and that everything's going to, to crap. They would say, what an amazing transformation we're going through right now.

People, stuff is coming up to be loved, to be transformed. We are at a period right now of where we are getting this beautiful awakening of how we have been holding onto darkness in ourselves and how it projects in our leaders and the people who are showing up in government that we are the one putting them there energetically.

It's not even based on a vote, it's based on a spiritual collective for our growth. And so I trust in God, I trust in our mother, father God, to everything we go through is for the purpose of our divinity to grow and to become more aware of how do we love, how do we love something that we are told not to love?

And when it comes, like for my mom or my older sister, I. I still love my mother and I still love my sister, and I still love my exes and the people who have, done things to me that people would say, how could you love this person? But does it mean that they get to sit in my court at my table by my side?

No, because that's not something has to do with love. That has to do with, am I safe in your presence? And are is your actions, your ideas, and your consciousness, is it in alignment to creating harmony that I like to have in my life? Is it something that is a wellspring of goodness? Is it do when I'm around you?

Do I feel that you are contributing to the love that I have for creation, for people, for the planet, for the earth for children, for everything? Am I allowing someone to be in my presence? Who is operating in a different dimension of lack, fear, limitation, scarcity. And I have to get mine no matter what it takes, even if it means hurting the people I love, I can't have those people around me.

But I can love them still. I can still love my mom and pray for her, love my sister, and pray for her, and wish that they can become people who are in alignment. And a lot of times when we have to look at why people do the things that they do, 

It's because they didn't get what they wanted. They're not happy internally.

They're not satisfied. Jealousy is a very difficult thing. When you have family members saying, well, that should have been me in the New York Times and not and I'm like, well, if you wanted to be in the New York Times, then you should have put your energy out there in the world and served humanity, so I can't sit there and feel bad that you chose to do not to use your energy in life and do something with it. But I choose to live my life. And even with my, being in the things that I deal with on my day to day, I still go forward in life. I'm not sitting back going like, Ugh, I've gone through so much pain and so forth.

The world owes me. I don't think the world owes me anything. What I feel is that I want to give more to the world. So that's why I'm still here. And the and. Wanting to provide that, but I'm not gonna have people sit on my table and break bread with me, who are like Judas sitting there waiting for my demise.

No, I'm just going to pray that they have everything. Their heart desires that they fall in love with themselves. They find joy in themselves. They find everything that makes them happy and they repent. And I use that word repent because it's not that your God punishes you or God judges you or condemns you, that God doesn't even know what that means.

But to me, repent means to get back in alignment. With the love that God has for you, the universe has for you that life has for you. And so to me, repentance is taking responsibility for your shadow and realizing that your higher self that's been holding all of the things that you don't want to take responsibility for is hold.

That's why it's your shadow. And once you actually show up to your shadow and say, Hey, what is it that I'm not repenting? What is it that I'm not taking responsibility for where I'm not? Where is it that I'm not willing to get divine guidance? A lot of people, I. Don't listen to their team that they came to earth with.

They don't seek divine guidance in their choices. They think they have it all figured out based on the knowledge they have. They don't understand that the unknown can never be accessed through analyzation or through problem solving. The unknown can only be experienced and trusted, and that means surrender.

And so if you don't surrender, right? Like I would've never met Martha if I didn't surrender. I thought I was gonna be with a man for many years because I was hurt by so many women in my life, so I opened myself that doorway, and then when I got into my core truth and surrender to what is actually in alignment.

Energetically to me, Martha finally stepped in. But I remember I dreamt about her many times, but I never knew it was a her. I only saw her house, I saw her bed, I saw the things that she was doing, but I could never see her face and I could never see what gender she was. And that was because God knew that I would not accept it.

And if I don't accept it, I would be resistant to it. And so most of our human suffering is our own resistance to our own authenticity, our own truth, because we created these ideas that we think are gonna make us happy. But then we realized that if we actually started surrendering more to divine spirit and instead of feeling like.

We don't wanna listen to our guides and listen to Spirit because we don't like being told what to do. They're not telling you what to do. They're giving you an opportunity to better your life. They're offering you guidance the same way darkness does. Darkness makes suggestions all the time, and people have no problem listening to that.

And the only reason why they listen to darkness more than the light is because they've been predisposed to darkness when they were kids by the authority figures and the aggressive people that have shown them that if you don't do this, there's a consequence. It could be getting a spanking or getting grounded or getting yelled at, or being put down or flunking a class in school or not getting accepted by a group of people.

So we build this kind of, this trajectory that anyone who holds that predatorial energy, that makes us feel like we have to be afraid or shut down and go into like a state of fear that is the one we actually listen to. So when darkness tells you, oh, you're not good enough and you're not gonna make this, or you're not gonna be successful, you're not gonna, you're gonna run outta money or you're fat, or you're this or that.

We turn our ear to that more because we've been more in the idea of experiencing that level of criticism and negativity on our planet as a normal thing. I wrote an article recently where I said that the true malfunction and thinking, or what we call mental illness is when someone curses out another person or puts them down.

To me, that's a form of mental illness. If you have to put someone down and call them names, that's because you are not in rightful mind and you are not in emotional intelligence, that you are completely spinning out on a lot of the darkness that you've already inhabited in yourself. So what is the purpose of doing that?

It's so easy to tell someone to f off. It's so easy to tell someone they're spiritually bypassing. It's so easy to create words and criticisms that match your need to be right. And you can never, in your life, you can never convince someone who's already made up their mind about you that they're not right.

So I don't even waste time arguing with people. If someone says four plus floors is seven. Fine. It's seven, if that's what you wanna believe. It's seven. Darling, I'm not here to argue with you. I don't need to get into these discussions with you because arguing is just a power play. If you wanna have a conversation where we share each of our points of views, no matter how different they may be, we're open to that conversation.

I'm open to it. But that requires a level of emotional intelligence. So everything that's happening on the planet right now is people awakening their emotional intelligence. You can't even have, you watch people talk. One person's talking about the Democrat, this person's talking about this thing, and they, soon as they start talking, they start yelling at each other and going off on each other instead of just listening to each other, holding space for each other.

You don't have to believe what everyone believes and cut them outta your life because they believe differently. That's the one of the amazing things about being, being of that's alive is that there's many people all around the world have different beliefs, different ideas, different narratives, and when someone says something to me, like if I'm sitting at a dinner table and someone starts talking about the world is in a horrible place and money's hard to come by, and all these things that I hear people talk about, I always say I don't take ownership of that.

I say it in my head because most people don't realize that if you don't acknowledge your consciousness not to receive that frequency, you, it's already going into your second chakra. It's already in your sauna, it's already going into your body, and you're already agreeing to it just by listening to it.

But when I listen to people and I hear them say things that are not in alignment to what source and divine is telling me to focus my attention on, I just say, I don't take ownership of that. Someone calls me a name. I don't 

[00:54:26] LW: you verbalize it or you just have that. agreement with yourself? You think 

[00:54:29] SD: I say it in my head and sometimes I whisper it to myself 'cause I need to hear it out loud.

And I just feel like people, you wanna believe that the world's falling apart and you wanna believe that money's hard to come by and you wanna believe that everything's going to crap. That's the dimension you wanna, that's the narrative you wanna build for yourself on planet earth, because every word you say is code.

And every code unlocks a dimension, and every dimension comes with spirits and energies that support that dimension. I don't wanna live in the dimension of lack, limitation, and scarcity. I don't wanna live in a dimension that, oh my God, bad things are gonna happen to me. I wanna live in a dimension where I'm continuously looking at the places where I can grow and become more loving, more wealthy, more successful, more open to listening to other people's wisdoms and having conversations of intellect that are not based in war, but based in the idea of sharing ideas and concepts.

[00:55:25] LW: You wrote a book called Spirit Hacking, and you've mentioned spirits several times in the conversation. And you talked about connecting with spirits in our first interview, but can you give us a refresher how if someone's listening to this and they hear, oh my God, there's spirits that will support low vibration, scarcity mindset.

I want to tap into those high vibe spirits that will help support the expansion and the abundance consciousness. How do I tap into that? And I'm, again, I'm a, I'm an accountant working nine to five, commuting to work, got a couple kids. What are some practical ways to tap into my spiritual guides, teammates, coaches, whatever you wanna call them, so that I can start benefiting from this expansive awareness? 

[00:56:08] SD: So the first thing I always say to people is start with yourself. Start with your own council, which is not just your spirit guides or your ancestors or the great council of many elders, but start with just the basic faculties of your energetic system. So like for instance, you could say mind. Do you wanna try it?

Mind? 

[00:56:28] LW: Mind. 

[00:56:29] SD: Tell me all the powerful things that empower me

[00:56:33] LW: Tell me

all the powerful things that empower me. Do I have to have my eyes closed or open, or does it 

[00:56:37] SD: could be open, could be closed. 

[00:56:39] LW: Okay. 

[00:56:40] SD: The moment you give a direction to your mind has its own energy portal. So it's waiting for you to give instructions. Most times we operate in an involuntary instruction, which is we're reactive and reaction actually limits our evolution because we're not able to understand the frequency and energy when we're constantly reacting.

But if we actually start taking participation within the way our energetic system operates. So if I say mine, like I do it a lot, when I'm gonna go speak on stage, or I'm heading into any situation, I say, mine, tell me all the beautiful things about me, and then it just starts talking to me. 

[00:57:14] LW: Right. 

[00:57:15] SD: then I say emotions.

Feel into what the mind is saying. And then all of a sudden I feel the expansion of those energies. And then I say, body generate that energy now. And then my body starts generating that energy. And then I go, little boy go into God's divine light and look at all the beautiful things that you represent.

And then I get this immense warmth and feeling that comes through my being. But see, what happens is we've been taught in society to be operating on a census of reaction. We operate on the idea of protecting ourselves. So we go into what we call defense mode, which means nothing can come in. And we are not allowing ourselves to realize that we have our own energetic system.

Your body in itself is a channeler. We are channeling energies all day long. Even when you're sleeping, you're channeling energies. Now the question is. Where are you channeling it from? Now you'll know by the way you feel because your feelings are indicators. They're indicators of what type of frequency is coming into your being.

Now, the mind can generate frequency through thought. The emotions can generate frequency through emotions. Your body can generate frequency through energy and magnetic energy. And your soul, which is that which is the creator, can generate energy based on what you tell your soul you are. So if you tell yourself you're not a good person, then your soul then starts making you not a good person.

Your everything goes back to your operating system. So you're channeling energy. So what happens is the indicator of the emotions is to expand. Consciousness into magnetic energy, right? This is, we talk about that expansion. When people wanna create money, they think they have to get into this mindset about money, where to create money, you have to be excited about money coming in.

That's where you stay if you move from that point. Then you have to reset up that frequency. And so the, one of the most challenging things for humanity is that they don't know how to do what is called living within sustainable frequency. They don't know how to sustain frequency. They let other people create frequencies for them that they don't wanna be a part of, and they feel that they have to, out of guilt, outta shame, out of, I don't want this person not to like me.

I want people to, I want, I wanna be accepted. And so you actually end up self betraying yourself every time you introduce yourself to a frequency that your being doesn't wanna be introduced to. And your emotions indicates it for you by the way you feel. So if I say mine, tell me all the beautiful things about me.

I hear you're kind and loving. You have such a beautiful heart. You're always thinking about people. You, you love nature, you love people. Like it tells me all these things. And then I say emotions amplify what the mind is sharing with me. Now I'm feeling those things as say body project, that energy throughout my energetic field.

Now my energy has shifted and I am now embodying that energy. Right? So that's the first key to connecting with your spirit guides and your spirit counsel and your spirit team is first learning how to discern. Because spirit can come to you and say something to you. And what most people do is most people don't have respect for the spirit world because they've been taught to only buy into the physical.

What they don't realize that physical is energy and matter trapped in and in, in matter. And it's all energy. Everything is energy. And so when you are communicating to spirit, you'll always know who you're communicating to with by the indications of your emotions. So if I say council members, what is something that you love about our brother?

Light. Council member says that what they love about you is that you are constantly taking information and making it possible for people to be able to get it at where they're at, and that they're able to digest that information in a way that allows them to feel safe to venture forward. So you're creating an ability for people to practice the art of swimming in tides and currents that they're not used to.

And that's a powerful gift, right? And so, and I say, what else about our brother light, they said he's very telepathic. So we love that he's able to pick up on the nuances of energies and gets visuals and ideas of how to create more system. Sustainability within people's equilibrium. So that's great.

So, so this is stuff they're telling me now. I don't go and say am I saying that? Are you saying that I know whoever I'm addressing is communicating, but if I wanna say to the underworld beings, I. Underworld beings. You know what is it? If I'm sitting with someone in their session, I'll say, what are you doing to this person that's causing all of this money issues and this and that and the other?

And they tell me exactly because there's no reason for them to lie. Spirits don't lie. Humans do. And humans only lie because they don't wanna surrender to the truth. That's why I love the saying, the truth will set you free because it really does. It really truly does. But most people don't want to hear the truth because they use the truth as an attack mechanism of beating up on themself for not fitting into the quality of perfection that they think they should fit into.

Once again, creating a fantasy image of themself and feeling like they have to meet that fantasy image, and when they don't, they beat up on themselves. That does not support your evolution, and spirituality isn't about anything other than evolution. It doesn't matter if you add meditation in there or you add any of these things.

These are actually helping you to create a more easier, more manageable way of activating those channels that I talked about. Your mind channel, your spirit, your mind, your emotions, your body and your soul, which is your inner child. And not the hurt child that people play into, which is literally has nothing to do with your inner child.

'cause your inner child isn't hurt. If you have a hurt part, it's because it's your child reflecting how you're treating yourself back to yourself. So when people say, oh, I have a hurt inner child. I felt I, I was abandoned as a kid. It's not why you have an issue with abandonment. It's because you keep abandoning yourself.

Your being is only reflecting your behavior towards yourself that you are mad, that you are magistrate and copying from things that you went through in your childhood. But it doesn't mean that your inner child is hurt. It's asking for you to correct the imbalance. And that's where we get into meditation, that's where we get into affirmations and not affirmations that are like, I am this and I am that.

Which has no connection to other than the awareness of self. The real affirmation is you are, because that's what you've been told since you were a kid. That's the inward, how do you say channel that has programmed you is when people told you are this and you are this and you are that. And then the core energy affirmation, which is using affirmations that already create movement, which is like for instance I love how powerful you are from, from everything that you're doing right now.

And it's beautiful to see. So then immediately it's already acknowledging that's there that exists and that awareness is already anchoring it into your awareness as in this moment when you hear the words as so it is the awareness of anchoring consciousness in truth in the present moment.

Not something like I want to this or I want to, that. It's like because you're such a beautiful soul, you've been opening yourself up to new ideas, now you're already a clarifying the truth in present moment. That's powerful.

[01:05:07] LW: I think It's also powerful to do that with other people who you don't, on the surface level, you don't really admire very much. So taking someone like, Trump is a very triggering figure and saying to yourself, what is admirable about. This person about this spirit. Seeing him as a spirit and not just as, and look, I'm not like I didn't vote for Trump.

I don't really have an opinion about Trump one way to the other, but this is an exercise that I personally like to do with people that annoy me. From time to time is, okay, what's admirable about this person? Because what I find is that if you can do it with them, it's a lot easier to do it with you and then vice versa.

When you do it with you on an intentional level, the self-assessment that you're talking about capital S self, it's easier to do it with them. And then you find yourself not gossiping as much. You find yourself not disparaging people or other experiences. 'cause then you realize, and this is what I really hear you saying, it's all a story.

The story of you, the story of them, the story of what happened. And that story can either cage you and imprison you and your potential, or it can liberate you. It can set you free. 

[01:06:11] SD: Yeah, that's what I feel expectations are. I feel like it's a self-created warden, an AI warden that basically hovers over you to make sure you stay perfect or you do what people expect you to do or where you think you should be. And when it comes to triggering people in society. The way I look at it is if I, if it makes me angry, I thank them for getting me angry, because for me, that means anger resides within me and it's not, and they're just there to be the thing that allows me to bring it up.

And then I have to look at why am I angry? And it's usually not about the situation. It's more about something that I have a belief in, a belief system that I've created, that I wanna be right about, a narrative, that I wanna be right about a story that I'm telling myself that I wanna be right about.

And it comes from a level of pride and a level of needing to be right about what I believe in order to justify my reasoning to not doing what I came here to do, which is to do everything that I love and to explore things that I love, to have fun, to be playful, to bring heaven on earth and heaven on earth cannot be achieved.

Because, there's an old saying in the Bible that states that Jesus states that, they ask him, in Matthews, what is, how does it take for one to get to the kingdom of heaven? And now this can be a figurative place or even a conscious place. And Jesus said, in order to enter the kingdom of heaven, one must come as a child.

And a child is playful. A child is explorative, a child is experiencing a child, is exploring all the things that make them have fun. It's like being a part of this amazing playground called Earth. Now, how many fun things? So usually what I do is I get a piece of paper and I write down all the things that I would love to experience while being on this planet.

And then I go and do them. And if people are polarized in society, whatever, I don't put my mind on them because those, I'm not gonna let darkness pull my me away from myself. So that I can make an excuse of why I'm not living my best life because this person is in doing this and this person is doing that.

These are for me excuses to justify your unwillingness to to live your joy on planet Earth. And if someone has the ability to take you away from your joy, then you've already given your power away. You've already given them dominion over you. And I don't give dominion over anyone, over me. Not even my own wife has dominion over me.

My kids don't have dominion over me. My family doesn't have dominion over me. God doesn't have dominion over me. My relationship is what I focus on, my relationship with God, my relationship with my family, my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my friends. My relationship with myself, and this then creates the focus and attention that I choose to put forth.

Not, oh, let me get distracted by what's going on in the world and get upset and get angry. But that doesn't change anything. What changes things is when you create a vibration that is a higher frequency than the lower density frequencies, and that vibration merges into that density and then ally changes that dense frequency into a higher vibrational field.

That's what I'm living for. I'm not here to join the vi, the lower vibrational field and be against it while being for it at the same time because it's taking all my energy, my life force. 'cause remember the greatest power we have on this planet. Is our attention. It's where our attention is at. This is how people are famous.

This is why, we pay people a lot of money to do movies because they grab our attention. They take you away from the things that you could be doing for yourself. We are a planet of distractions. And if we start to recognize that these are just more distractions taking you away from you, creating heaven on earth, I'm not gonna do put my energy into that.

That doesn't support me. It's not why is me getting angry, changing anything, or is me being more loving, more kind, more generous and demonstrating what love looks like on planet Earth. What kindness looks like on planet Earth, what generosity looks like, what wealth looks like, what success looks like, what vitality looks like.

[01:10:26] LW: And a really simple way to do that is just appreciation. Especially in these divine relationships or divine friendships, we think that it's our job to go around playing the spiritual police and critiquing people's livelihood and how they show up and how they're in scarcity and dah.

It's like nobody wants to hear that. It's not that it's not true. Maybe there's some truth to it, but your presence will go so much further if you just take the time and the care to point out something that. You're appreciative of or something they're doing right, or something about, like you mentioned earlier, the world feeling heavy and dark.

It's like.

no, the world is not heavy and dark. It's the news about the world that is heavy and dark because they're looking for attention. They're looking for those clicks. If you just stop and look at what's happening right now, in this moment as you're listening to this conversation, how many blessings, how many things can you appreciate about, just, can you breathe?

Can you see? Can you walk? Can you hear, can you taste, do you have food in your fridge? Like, that's wonderful stuff. That's stuff that we can use to share. So that's, I, that, that's what I'm taking away from what you said that people can do right now to shift the energy away from, oh, it's heavy and dark and, we're in this, awful time back to, hey, there's some beauty around, there's some beauty happening right now as well that you can tap into, that you can then utilize.

To use a little bit more of the gifts that you have and the, and whatever, level of talent and skill and awareness And all those.

[01:11:57] SD: And I also believe in edification too. I and I, and this is something that I do a lot in my relationship, I do with my kids, I do with my friends, is always amplifying God within them by like, my wife gets up in the morning, she's like, oh honey, I have a meeting today at the office. I said, oh, you're gonna do amazing.

You're so powerful and you're such a genius. You're gonna walk in there and you're gonna slay. I see my friends. I'm like, you guys are so smart and so educated. I love your way you speak. I love the way you carry yourself. Always finding, looking for God in humanity. Wake up in the morning and ask yourself, am I looking for God or am I looking for darkness?

Am I looking for problems? What am I looking for? Again, this is the attention thing I talk about. So when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is I edify myself. I edify everyone around me. I edify my kids. I edify my wife. I tell my kids, you're, I go, oh, you. I tell my daughter, you're so beautiful.

I just, I love your freckles. I love how beautiful you are. I love how your eyes sparkle. I love how smart you are. You're gonna, I have such a beautiful day today, and just keep edifying God. And when I keep edifying God, instead of edifying the darkness in people, but edify the light in people, it expands, and when it keeps expanding and keeps expanding, like I had a friend yesterday, I was talking to you on the phone and I said, you're such an amazing mother. I love how you were there for your kids when you got them to college. You took your daughter to college. I love how you're always there for your husband.

I love how smart you are and how creative you're, I love how you hold your home down. And she was like, well, Dirk, I really love you. And I was like, and I love you too. And it's like, it's important for us to edify each other. We have to edify God. So when I live my life on earth, I. I want to find God in and I want to breathe into that.

I want to breathe into that light to make it expand even more to get it to really, I. Get out there, and become so big instead of edifying the darkness. Edifying, lack, edifying, pro poverty edifying hate, edifying fear. That's what the forces of Imbalancement want to bring you into.

They want you to edify, they want you to look away from God. And look towards those things and edify that, and I choose not to do that. I choose to wake up every day and say, God, where are you? Oh, there you are in that tree. I see you. Oh, there you are. God in the sun. Oh, there you are, God in the rain. Oh, there you are.

God, my friend coming over having tea with me. Oh, there you are. God, in the flower that I'm observing, oh, there you are, God, in our brother light. Look how beautiful God is. Like why not edify God every single day? Look for God. Don't look for these other things. When people are doing that, I say, you don't.

When people say to me I have problems with money, I have problems with love, I have problems with this. I say, that's because you're not looking for God in those things. You are looking for problems. You wake up looking for them. You are waiting for the shoe to drop. You're looking for things to go wrong.

You're looking for bills to show up. You're looking for these things, and that's why you're getting them. Stop looking for it and start looking for God. And I assure you, when you do that your life. Will look so different to you and the way you respond to it. It will be joyful every day. A sustainable field of joy.

Even in times that are challenging, you're still looking for God.

[01:15:21] LW: You and I have known each other for a long time. Over 20 years. Somebody who's asking me today if I thought people can change. I'm just curious, in your estimation, how have you changed since we first met back in those Santa Monica Boulevard Whole Foods days to now?

What? What has been, 'cause you've always been a different type of dude with a different type of outlook on life, but you've obviously had your own 

[01:15:49] SD: then I was much more in an energy of, I kept believing that I had a mission and I had to live this mission, 

[01:15:57] LW: What was your mission back then in 

[01:16:00] SD: my mission was to be successful and to get acknowledgement from people and to be liked and to be like the powerful shaman dur and, like, the health and wellness, like the guru the master, the whatever these ideas that I thought I needed in order to feel in my insecurity of myself and what it, what I've learned and gared from this experience was that none of those things.

Had any I had to go through that that, that process of evolution. But when I realized that none of those things had any value, because it was me living outside of myself through the eyes of other people instead of living within myself in my relationship with Spirit. And it's cha. And so that changed a lot where I didn't wake up every morning with this idea that I have a mission anymore.

I don't believe I have a mission. I believe that I'm here to do things that make me happy. And if I like doing it, I do it. And if I like spending time with someone because I feel great in their energy, I'll do it. And if I don't, I don't. And I'm not going to eat something I don't want to eat. I'm not gonna go somewhere that I don't want to go.

If I walk into a restaurant, I don't like the vibe. I'm gonna walk out. I'm not here to meet the expectations of other people's ideas of me, or the ideas that they think a shaman should be, or what they think I should be. And what that has done for me is taken me out of this very heavy place. And also attracting people in my life who are not authentically coming from love, but coming from agenda because I don't need to have an agenda anymore. I don't need to live in that space of I have to have this be this way and it has to be like this. So every day I'm gonna be in a grind. 'cause I was in a grind back then. And even though I had different beliefs and different ideas spiritually, I still was grinding myself and that wasn't feeling good. And so once I got out of that grind and got out of that place of, I have a mission to, I'm living to do the things that make me happy.

And if that supports someone great, and if it doesn't, that's their choice. I get to live with this sense of freedom and awe every day, where I get to decide what I wanna do with my energy. If I wanna paint, if I wanna play video games, if I wanna do a life, if I wanna do healing, if I wanna get healing, if I wanna spend time in nature, if I wanna be with my friends, if I wanna talk to spirit, I get to decide.

And I get this amazing opportunity to enjoy whatever time I have. Because we're not promised a long life. We're not promised anything. I could leave the earth tomorrow, but I wanna make sure that if I do, whenever that time is, I've lived my life with freedom and integrity and with love and kindness in my heart.

I said to my wife, I said, what I wanna be remembered for on the planet is not. The successes that I've accomplished, or how much money I made, or how many times I was on TV or whatever, no. Or how many followers I had. Like none of that means anything to me. What matters to me is how well I loved did I love?

Well, that's all I care about. And so every day that's what I focus on is am I loving well? Am I being kind? Am I being a being of love from authenticity, not by trying to fake it or trying to be something that I'm not? Am I loving well myself, my family, my kids, my friends, this world, that's all I care about.

[01:19:31] LW: You've also been navigating this health challenge for a long time as well, and I remember your wife posted something about how you guys missed some church thing and don't freak out. Shaman Dirk had to go to dialysis that day, that's why it wasn't any kind of drama. What do you feel, or maybe the Spirit Council has communicated with you about this, but what do you feel that has been teaching you navigating that all these years? 

[01:19:53] SD: I feel that it has taught me to really value life and the time that we have here on the planet. I don't use my health as an excuse. I. So that's why when I meet other people who have health issues and they use it as an excuse, I can help them get into a better place. And it's also helped me, like there's days where I've had bad health, and then there's days where I've had great health and I cherish every moment.

I know that a lot of my health issues are reflections of things that I have gone through in being a reflection of the pain and suffering that I've gone through in my life. And my body takes on a lot of energy. And I know I'm a wounded healer. I've always been told that since I was young. And I never could understand like, why did I have chronic asthma?

Why did I have ulcers in my stomach at a young age and had all these different health things, just one after another. And it was for the purpose of being humble and realizing that, a lot of times people are like, well, you're a shaman. You should be able to heal your kidneys. You're, , you could still be a shaman and you can still be a healer and still be wounded or have a health thing that you're moving through.

But what it teaches me is how to have a greater love for life. 

Like, I don't know how long I'm gonna be here, but while I am here, I'm gonna live my life to my fullest. And if I have to be on a machine three days a week until someone comes forward and says, Hey, I wanna offer you a kidney, fine.

That's what it is. But at least every day, I'm not on that machine. I get to give love. I get to be out there sharing with people. I get to open my heart to people, I get to to show people that even when in the toughest times in life, I. You can still love and have no excuse for your bad behavior.

I see people who's sick and they feel like they have the right to be angry. They have a right to be these and that, and that's what they feel. And I'm not here to diminish what they feel. That's what they feel is authentic and real for them. That's what they choose. But I know that's not authentic and real for me.

And so this has taught me a lot. I had a kidney from my sister, 10 years of great health with having a kidney and I lost a kidney again. And it was choices that I made that weren't the best choices that made that happen. But at the same time it has humbled me to a whole nother level of being humble.

And sometimes people will be like, oh, what kind of shaman are you? You can't even heal your own kidneys. It's not that I can't heal my own kidneys, it's I'm learning how to heal myself. I'm looking into it. I'm using myself as my own case study, just like when I had chronic asthma and I don't have chronic asthma anymore because I healed it. So it's just a matter of time. It's either I'm going to heal it or I'm gonna get a kidney. Who knows? But whatever it is, I trust that God has the divine plan for me and whatever that represents. If I only have a certain amount of time on Earth, or if I have a long time on Earth, or some people come to earth just for 10 years, five years, they come to earth just to be a kid and they leave.

We are eternal beings. This earth experience nothing's promised to us. And and any part of our ego or a part of our being that goes, oh, well, we're gonna live until we're 90 and 80. You don't know that. I have a friend just recently my, one of my very dear friends, which just was in a gym just recently and walk, got dizzy, walked out, and then dropped dead in like right at the gym.

And he's young, but that's what his spirit came to earth and shared what he came here to share. And now he's home. So, I'm gonna take as, I'm gonna enjoy what time I have here and, I'm gonna focus on healing and I'm gonna keep going forward, but I'm gonna stay humble. And no matter how big I get in society or what people call fame, I think fame for the wrong reasons you. But when you have notoriety and you utilize it for the benefit of humanity and you don't make it about you, but you make it about service, it could do great things for people.

[01:23:56] LW: So Meghan Markle Netflix show I, I understand has mixed reviews. I haven't seen it, but what can we ex expect from your show that's gonna be coming out soon?

[01:24:06] SD: I think it's going to be a beautiful story of love wins over challenges, and I think it's gonna be humorous. I think it's gonna be beautiful. It's gonna, it's gonna demonstrate love, it's gonna demonstrate soul, and it's gonna demonstrate all the many sides of my being.

[01:24:25] LW: Is there anything that's gonna surprise us? 

[01:24:27] SD: I don't know.

[01:24:28] LW: Is there anything that, you're, again, you're very transparent, you're very open. You've talked about a lot of things. Have you been like saving anything for the show?

Like, I'm gonna, go ahead and let you guys in on this aspect of my life or my being or my thinking 

[01:24:40] SD: I mean, you know, the great thing about shooting with Chris and Rebecca was that when me and Martha made the idea to do this show, we wanted it to be a hundred percent transparent and real. We're not here, we're not making fake emotions. We're not trying to show off for the camera. I tell, sometimes I forgot the camera was even there, and I think that was really telling of my family and of my wife and my kids, is that we just continued being us. Through the good, through the bad, through the ugly, and through the beautiful times. And people will see all of it. They'll see, the times where I'm emotionally distraught from things that I'm being attacked for in the press.

And then there's times where you see that we're joy and sharing and having awakenings and spiritual transformations and everything. It's gonna be all in one, I believe. And I trust in the people who are making it to create something that's authentic and real, because that's the only reason why me and my wife decided to do it.

Because we've got many TV offers from many networks. But it was always a contrived thing and. I felt like I could have said yes to those contracts and many people offered me tons of money. And, I went to God and I said, God I'm, I am. I'm doing something against my morals for this and that doesn't seem authentic.

So I'm I, and God said to me, it's not so say no. And I did, I turned down so many different offers and then God said, I will put that which is in front of you and you won't have to change yourself or be anything to make some drama. You are just who you are. And that's exactly what showed up. And we didn't have Netflix at the time when we first started shooting.

We've been shooting for two years of filming. But Spirit said to me, we are going to make sure that because you surrendered and listened to us, you're gonna see how this is gonna be. And then all of a sudden we found out we got Netflix. And being a part of the Netflix family has been really beautiful and also everyone is so excited.

I'm excited, my wife's excited, my family's excited. And like I said, there's a little bit of preparation for me on a mental, emotional level of like, how do I navigate globally now, my freedom. But I did it. I did it so far and I know there's gonna be some growing pains and I'm very interested to see how that's gonna show up for me.

[01:27:03] LW: I love it man. Well, I'm looking forward to it. Just want to acknowledge you. Your authenticity. You've been the same person ever since I've known you. And with all the ups and the downs and everything that's happened and it's just been an, it's been an honor to witness how my appreciation of you has grown over the years. Just for myself, like, 'cause I'm normal, I have little judgements about things I don't understand from time to time. And no one can accuse you of not being consistent. You are one of the most consistent people I've ever met in, in your authenticity and owning the things that make you different and the things that make you march to the beat of your own drum. And I love it. It's inspired me to be more of myself and to be more transparent and authentic and vulnerable in my own unique ways. So thank you very much for your example. Thanks for I, I love that I get to live in a world. At a time where someone like you exists on the same plane of existence and I get to know you and I get to call you a friend and I get to, experience those warm bear hugs that we exchange when we meet each other.

[01:28:10] SD: I love you. I love you light, and I've always loved you, and I always feel connected to you and I. Even though we don't see each other like we used to a lot, you are always in my heart and you always will be in my heart, and I really appreciate your kind and loving words, but also everything that you see in me as you, as I said before, is also in you.

And we were around at a time when, doing kombucha and doing all these. Healing things at that time when those things weren't even available. There was no Whole Foods, there was no air ones and, strawberries that cost $16 and, all this other stuff that people, we were at the beginning stages of the pioneering of the golden age and that pioneering is still going on, but it's, it's much more, people are starting to wake up to it even more and start embracing it as a lifestyle choice, not as something that's just alternative that we do.

It's the way we live our lives and in connection to creating that harmony and looking at where disharmony shows up and where we create that harmony. So. You've done it so beautifully, and I love everything that you do. And I love the authenticity and simplicity that you create. I love the simplicity that you create with your books and with the way you make things very simple and digestible for people on this journey.

And we need people like you to exist. And so I'm also very appreciative of your existence and the fact that you exist on the same plane that I do on this planet, and that we get to be here to support one another in this journey and to witness each other. If it be upfront or far away, it doesn't matter.

You know, That's why I invited you to my wedding because I, I cherish you, and I love you and you mean the world to me. And so I'm happy that we are able to have these conversations and that people get to listen in and share. In these beautiful restructurings that are taking place right now on the planet, and I'm just very grateful and honored to be a servant to God and servant to humanity at this time of evolution.

[01:30:20] LW: Thank you my dear spirit, brother. Thank you. Thank you, man.

[END]

Thank you for tuning into today's episode with Shaman Durek if you like to follow his work, you can find him on the socials at Shaman Durek that's D-U-R-E-K. And if you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to check out his first appearance on my show, which is on episode 197, and that's where we talk about his backstory growing up in a lineage of shamans, surviving a near death experience, his early relationship with Princess Martha of Norway. 

And if you know someone who's out there making the world a better place, please send your guest suggestions to me at light@lightwatkins.com. Also, please take a moment to rate and review the show.

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It really does help a lot in searchability and helping guests choose to come onto the show. So I appreciate that. And in the meantime, I hope to see you next week for another story about an ordinary person doing extraordinary things. And until then, keep trusting your intuition. Keep following your heart. Keep taking those leaps of faith. And remember, if no one's told you lately that they believe in you, I believe in you. Thank you and have a fantastic day.