277: Plot Twist: Plot Twist: How an 11-Second Loss Launched Ken Nwadike Jr.’s Mission of Free Hugs, Healing and Peace

In this Plot Twist episode, Ken Nwadike Jr. shares how missing the Boston Marathon qualifying time by just 11 seconds—twice—led to a life-changing movement of peace, connection, and activism.

Ken grew up in a Nigerian household with a strict mother who instilled discipline and resilience in him from a young age. Despite facing financial struggles and homelessness, he found his way through running, eventually organizing the Hollywood Half Marathon, a moment that brought his mother to tears as she realized the impact of her son’s vision. But it was the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing that sparked his most unexpected turn.

Heartbroken by the attack on the running community that had given him so much, Ken set out to qualify for Boston. But after narrowly missing the mark twice, he chose a different path—showing up at the marathon with a simple but powerful message: Free Hugs for Runners. That act of kindness went viral, and what started as a moment of solidarity turned into a movement of peace.

Ken went on to bring the Free Hugs Project to protests, riots, and difficult moments of national tension, working to bridge divides through human connection. In this episode, he shares how a missed opportunity turned into his life’s greatest purpose, how a single hug can shift perspectives, and what he’s learned about finding common ground even in the most volatile situations.

Tune in to hear how one of Ken’s biggest disappointments became the foundation for a mission that has impacted thousands—and how we all have the power to create change in unexpected ways.

Transcript

KN: “It was really starting to hurt me as I watched on Facebook, some of these same people who were running in my races, or they were signing up for free hugs for runners. I would see the evil things that they would write about Trayvon Martin, saying that like he deserved it, or whatever. And that was really hurting me to my core because to me, I looked like Trayvon Martin and Skittles really are my favorite candy. I would have been the same kid walking down to the corner store to go and get some Skittles and easily could have been stalked by this man the same way. And so when I was reading what people were saying about him. It was like really breaking my heart. And so I had made a video back then and I talked about how, if Trayvon Martin would have been given enough time to get to my age, he probably could have done the same thing, but we'll never know that because his life was cut short, that video really resonated with a lot of people because I was like, if you're not giving black boys enough time to mature into men, then you're judging them at a period of their life where we all could have made mistakes. We all were hotheads. If you're following me, I might fight you. I was that same kid, you know, who wouldn't know? And I grew up to be a father of five and trying to be a changemaker and doing all of these, things that like just feel right to me, but I was the same knucklehead kid back then. And so to see people speaking of him in that way, I was like, but you're judging a boy. How many of you guys have little boys that would have done a very similar thing?”

[INTRODUCTION]

Today, I have a bite sized plot twist podcast episode for you, which is a shorter clip from a past episode. My guest, Ken Inwadike Jr. missed qualifying for the Boston Marathon by just 11 seconds, twice. But what seemed like a defeat turned into his greatest blessing after the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013, Ken decided to show up anyway, not as a runner, but as someone offering free hugs to runners along the course.
And that simple act of kindness went viral and led Ken to create the Free Hugs Project, bringing compassion to protests and difficult situations across America.
Let's listen in…
KN: As the oldest boy, especially the oldest boy in a Nigerian family, my mom had to be hard on me, because I set the example for my younger siblings. She's like, “If I mess up with the oldest one, then you've lost all of them.” She was always really hard on me. Didn't really care to be my friend. She's like, “I'm your mom. Not your friend.” All of the discipline and things that I felt were, she was just whipping me into shape my whole life.

I remember back then, even whenever I would get a little bit of money, and she would ask  me for it, or take it from me to go and do other things with. I used to tell her, “Mom, if you're poor, and I'm poor, and I'm trying to figure out how to multiply this money, if you keep taking it from me to spread across for grocery, or to do things for the other kids, we're never going to get anywhere.” She's like, “Boy, be quiet and give me your money.”

We finally got to the point where the Hollywood half marathon was this big thing. I had booked out all of these rooms at the W Hotel on Hollywood Boulevard, where I had my celebrity guests that were staying. Then, I had my mom in this really nice suite. I went up to her room right before the race was going to start, because it starts super early in the morning, roughly about 6 a.m., because we didn't want it to get too warm. We're out on her balcony. I said, “Hey, mom. I'm going to call into my guys that I have manning the starting line of the race. I want you to stay out here on the balcony with me. In a couple of minutes, you're going to see what's going to happen.”

We're standing there talking on the balcony of her room at the W Hotel, as all of a sudden, 10,000 people fill up the streets and go running by. She starts crying. She looks at me and she's like, “I just can't believe that my little boy that I spent so much time trying to just make sure he stayed on the straight and narrow path, that you did this, that you have all of these people here, because of an idea in your head. To be using this as an opportunity to go back to those shelters that took care of us to say thank you.” She's like, “There's no greater joy that I have.”

Coming from a mother who was very, very hard on me growing up, that was our first real magical moment of, “I'm proud of you.” My mom had never seen me race in my entire track career. Still today, my mom's never seen me race. She never been to one single track met, a cross-country meet, none of that. One day, actually, she had come out onto the track as I was finishing my last few steps of a mile, of a mile race that I had won, and so she missed it. I don't fault her for that. She was a single mother trying to raise five kids through homelessness. Extracurricular activities were not her focus, especially as an African mother.

She's like, “Focus on your studies. All this running around, what's that supposed to do?” She saw the effects of that when she was standing on that balcony in Hollywood. She was so overwhelmed with joy in seeing that. It's a sight to see when 10,000 people go running by. To know that the only reason why they're running by is because of an idea from your son's mind, I can only imagine what that felt like to her.

LW: Then, the Boston Marathon bombing happened.

KN: Exactly, yeah. It happened the same year that was our first year of Hollywood Half Marathon. 2013 was our race. Our race just happens to take place the first Sunday in April every year. That next day, Monday morning is Patriots Day. As we're having our debrief meeting, we're talking about ways to improve on the Hollywood half marathon. We're like, “Next year, we should do this and do that.” We got to become like them, because they were so big and everybody knows of the Boston Marathon. Then boom, you see that breaking news headline that bombs had gone off at the finish line.

I just remember, feeling like, “Man, who would bomb runners?” My whole life, all of the runners that I have met have been some of the most kind, genuine and supportive people that I've met in my life, from the coach to my teammates. When I went to college, same thing. Coach Scott, my teammates there. They were all still my friends today. They were people who were looking out for me. When I was with Nike, Coach [inaudible 01:00:12], my teammates there, while we were up at Stanford.

I was just like, man, everybody, along the way of my life, all of my favorite people were runners. I was like, any runners that are there, they have to be those same people, and no one deserves to be attacked in such a way, to be doing your sport, crossing the finish line and a bomb goes off. Even for the spectators that were there cheering for their families. I was just like, “No, man. I have to do something about this.” Because I felt like, I owe the sport back.

This sport took me out of homelessness. It got me to college. It gave me purpose. The only reason why I'm even able to talk to you right now, to have this conversation with you right now, literally, is the confidence that I picked up through being a track athlete. I have always felt I owe the sport, big time. Because if it wasn't for running, I was sure, I was probably going to go to the Air Force. I was already studying my ass then. That was my fallback plan, was if I didn't get a scholarship to college, I was going to join the Air Force.

Running changed that path for me. More than that, it gave me confidence and a personality to be able to create other entrepreneurial ventures. I was like, I have to do something. That something, initially, I thought was going to be run in the race, but not just run it, but invite and encourage tens of thousands of other people to join me there, because I had just come off of 10,000 people who just ran Hollywood with me. “Hey, you guys. Let's go and make the next Boston the biggest Boston ever.” They were like, "Word. Okay.”

Everyone starts registering to do it. They're pledging on this site that I had made. Actually, the page that I had created back then, it was actually called Free Hugs for Runners. That was the name of the whole brand. It was a Facebook page. The website, it was called Free Hugs for Runners. We're going to be a crew, and we're going to go and run the Boston Marathon, tens of thousands of us to say that we're not intimidated by these acts of terror. If you were to go to even the Free Hugs Project Facebook page right now, I think, you could sort it back to the history of what the page used to be called, and it was Free Hugs for Runners.

LW: Where did that name come from?

KN: I felt like, because of this bombing that took place, I was like, we have to figure out a way to show love to the running community, because they were hurting. I was like, Free Hugs for Runners is a healing way to how do we combat this terror attack that happened there.

LW: I mean, were you in the shower? Did it just occur to you? You knew right away, “This is it. Free Hugs for Runners. That's is what I'm supposed to call it.”

KN: Yeah. Maybe it was in the shower, I don't know. Because ideas do come to me in the shower and in the plane, for sure. I feel like, when I can't do anything else, then my ideas start spinning. It was probably one of those places. I was like, Free Hugs for Runners just makes sense. We're going to go out there and run, but we're going to be ambassadors of love when we go out and run this race. Most importantly, we're going to show that we're not scared of your acts of terror, that we're going to come back in bigger numbers.

Because at that time, there was the whole Boston Strong Movement that formed immediately in response. I was like, “How do you set yourself apart from this huge movement of Boston Strong?” Boston Strong was almost as bold a statement as those Live Strong bracelets in the 90s. Boston Strong came out, and everyone knew of those colors, the blue and gold right after the bombing. I was like, I want to associate myself with that, but I want to carve my own lane. My own lane was Free Hugs for Runners. We were going to get tens of thousands of runners that were going to show up at the Boston Marathon. We're going to run it, and we're going to be emotional support for other people that are there.

I was the one who missed qualifying by a few seconds. You have to pick which race you're going to use to get into Boston to run as a qualifier. At the time, being under age 35, it's the fastest qualifying time to get in. It was three hours and five minutes. You had to run three hours in five minutes flat. I ran in the qualifier race and I ended up running three hours, five minutes, point 11 seconds. Because of that, I had come so close. Can you imagine training for something for an entire year, and running in this race for three hours feeling good and checking your watch and I'm like, “I’m right on pace. I'm right on pace.” In that year and three hours wasted from just 11 extra seconds. 11 seconds. That's nothing. I could go down the stairs right here and come up in 11 seconds –

LW: What happened? Did you lose track of time, or did you think you – your clock’s slow, or what –

KN: Two things, I think, happened. One, I cut it too close. Two, whether people believe it was God, or the universe, or whatever it is that people want to say it was, it was meant to have been missed. Because in missing it, led to what the next idea was, which was Free Hugs for Runners needed to mean, fly out there and literally hug people. That gave birth to that idea, as I had to go back and tell my wife like, “Look, I already bought tickets to Boston, because I thought I was going to run in the race.” I'm going there anyway, and I'm going to cheer on all of these runners who took my pledge as the whole Free Hugs for Runners Movement was growing. I was like, I'm going to go out there and just hug on as many people as I can.

LW: You ran twice, right? You tried to qualify twice within a week.

KN: I tried to qualify in –

LW: Within a week.

KN: Yeah. Correct. I first ran one seaside here in the Los Angeles area. It was a coastal race. It was mostly flat ground. I was feeling good that whole way and missed it there by 11 seconds. I ran that one on a Sunday. By that Saturday, so literally, the same weekend, it was in one week, I was like, then I have to run it again. Anyone who knows, if you've ever run a marathon, you don't run two marathons in one week. You're still getting feeling back in your legs, right?

Even worse, I said, well, I'm a better downhill runner than a flat runner. I said, I'm going to fly out to Utah, where I knew all of their marathons come downhill. There was this race called the Big Cottonwood Marathon. I was like, “I'm going to run this one, because it's going to force me downhill for the entire way of the marathon.” I ran it, and same thing, coming down the hill. I think, this time, it was 3:05.9, or something like that. It's like, “What? Twice?” You came that close again?

I almost wondered, if I would have just skipped the LA one and went straight to Utah, would I have blasted past that 3:05? That's why I still think, it was all fate. It was meant to be. I was not supposed to run in the Boston Marathon. I tried it twice as an elite runner, as being in the top shape of my life, and I couldn't hold this pace for even just a few extra seconds to help me reach that goal. In all of my running career, I had never shed tears at the finish line of a race until after that Big Cottonwood race in Utah. Because that feeling of defeat from muscle aches and pain, but then also, emotionally of saying, “Man, I was really doing this to be there with the people of Boston, and I let them down. I'm not going to be a part of this whole thing.”

I've promoted it to everyone. Free Hugs for Runners was going on with or without me. Everyone was already – People who had the slower qualifying times, or who were faster than me, because they were marathoners, they were all going. I'm not a marathoner. I run 1 mile really fast. I don't run 26.2 miles. There was a bunch of people that were going, who took that pledge of Free Hugs for Runners. I was like, “I'm not going to be able to make it.”

They went, and I was like, “Well, I guess, I'm just going to put Free Hugs on a t-shirt and go out there anyway.” Then, that's what gave birth to the whole movement of what later became the Free Hugs Project. I didn't know that at the time. Until I stood out there on the race course, and I was just hugging people as they were coming by, because I wasn't even sure that people would take me up on that offer, right? You're a Black dude, standing in Boston. Who's going to give you a hug in Boston, on a racecourse? It sounds like, “Well, I'll see what happens.” If I don't get any hugs, it's all good. I gave it a try.

I have Free Hugs on a t-shirt. I held the Free Hugs sign. Of course, the elite runners ran past me, because they're racing for prize money. They're racing to win. Right after the elites went by, it took that one first person to break the ice and come in, and give me a hug. Strangely, back then, it was Doug Flutie, who was the former San Diego Chargers quarterback, which is crazy, because I live here in San Diego. It was so strange that out of 50,000 people that were running that race, this first dude that comes in, he's got the American flag on his shorts, and he puts his arms in an airplane motion and comes over to me, and then gives me that hug. Flew into me and gives me that hug. That was literally the first hug that I got in Boston.

He had no clue who I am. Doesn't know that I'm from San Diego, but it was our former San Diego Chargers quarterback. Then, he continues running on. Once he set that example, it broke the ice and thousands of people behind him started coming in and taking the hug. Just like back here, I have my camera with the tripod set up right behind me, as everyone was running by, because I wanted to document the experience.

I took that video, uploaded it to YouTube and Facebook, instant viral hit, by the time I had made it back to my transfer from LAX back to San Diego. I was like, “What just happened?” Then it seemed like, every news site in the country was either sharing the video of this feel-good moment that happened at the Boston Marathon. I think, it first started with BuzzFeed. Buzzfeed snipped up animated GIFs, snippets of everything that was happening there. They're like, “And in this hug, where this person jumped into his arms and this hug where this person was wearing a tutu.” It was just this really feel-good thing. Then they shared the link to the video.

The video just went nuts. Then it went from BuzzFeed to Huffington Post, New York Times, Boston Globe. Started getting invited out to do TV shows from Good Morning America, to flew out to London to do Good Morning Britain. All of these websites talking about what inspired you to do this thing after this bombing took place. Why was free hugs your response? That led to that conversation.

LW: What did you experience that was unexpected from that first hugging event?

KN: I wished that the world could be like that all the time. Because after so many people coming in and sharing those hugs with me, it's like, in those moments, you forget that you were the homeless kid who struggled with your own insecurities. Now, all of a sudden, everybody sees you. When I got back to the shelter with these kids that I was mentoring, and I'm talking with them about the experience as well, and they were saying the same thing like, “Ken, you have to keep this up. People can see us now.”

I knew how much it meant to feel invisible, as did they. Where, now, all of a sudden, their mentor, their peer mentor is on all these social media news sites. By the time I had landed and turned on my phone, and I’m like, “What is going on? This thing was a viral hit.” Just being part of that experience, I had never had any viral fame or viral success before, so I didn't know what that entails. Then shortly after, where you’re being called by all of these news sites to do an interview, it felt good.

It only felt good for a little bit, because it went from, man, this is awesome, to wait, is the only reason why this is gaining all of this attention, is it because people aren't like that anymore towards one another? They're not sharing these moments of positive human interaction. They're not sharing these random acts of kindness. We're seeing each other as we pass on the sidewalks, and we're looking down at our phones. That always reminded me of when I was the kid in the hallway, looking down at the ground, because I didn't want to make eye contact with people.

Now, everybody's doing the same thing, but they're looking at their phones like that. I was like, “Man, this is terrible, what we've become.” We didn't have those phones back then. We weren't attached to our phones back then. Now, even when I'm on college campuses, all the kids have headphones in their ears, and they're looking down at their phone. I'm like, “Man, you just missed maybe your potential spouse could have just walked by. You're so connected to your phone.”

That started to make me sad. It made me realize, man, it makes it easy to attack each other. It makes it easy to be mean to one another, to be less civil towards one another, the further that we get away from real human interaction. If everything becomes virtual, and we're not hugging each other, we're not high-fiving each other and forming these real friendships, we don't really know how to act when we're around people. That came to life for me at that time, which really started to shift my work, to where I knew that I didn't want to just do this in the feel-good places anymore. I needed to start going out where people were hurting, where people were being attacked, and there was a lot of violence.

That's what led to being out on the front lines, because I was so torn by the Trayvon Martin shooting by George Zimmerman. I don't often share this with people. I put out a video back then, because it was really starting to hurt me as I watched on Facebook, some of these same people who were running in my races, or they were signing up for Free Hugs for Runners, I would see the evil things that they would write about Trayvon Martin, saying that he deserved it, or whatever. That was really hurting me to my core, because to me, I looked like Trayvon Martin. I was that same kid who – and Skittles really are my favorite candy. I would have been the same kid walking down to the corner store to go and get some Skittles and easily could have been stalked by this man the same way.

When I was reading what people were saying about him, it was really breaking my heart. I had made a video back then. I talked about how, for all of you guys that are following my work right now and running in my races, but you're saying these really evil things about Trayvon Martin, know that I was that same kid. You're signing up and you're coming to my races and showing me all the support and love. If Trayvon Martin would have been given enough time to get to my age, he probably could have done the same thing. We'll never know that, because his life was cut short.

A lot of people, like that video really resonated with them. Because I was like, if you're not giving Black boys enough time to mature into men, then you're judging them at a period of their life where we all could have made mistakes. We all were hotheads. If you're following me, I might fight you. I was that same kid. Who would have known? I grew up to be a father of five and trying to be a changemaker and doing all of these things that just feel right to me. I was the same knucklehead kid back then. My brothers and I, if we had to take care of business, we would take care of business.

To see people speaking of him in that way, I was like, “But you're judging a boy. How many of you guys have little boys that would have done a very similar thing?” When I put that video out, that was the beginning of me starting to move more towards conscious work like that, being out on the front lines. Not only being on the front lines, but being more aware of the way that people judge people, especially people of color. I'm like, “They don't understand us, or where we come from.” I always used to say back then like, “They'll take our dads away from us, and then laugh at us for not having dads.”

That always was so true of a statement to me, because my dad got removed from the house. Then there's this running joke of Black kids don't have father figures, or don't have their dads. I'm like, because the incarceration rates of how easy you guys make it to go and lock up our fathers makes it so easy. Then you turn around, and then you laugh at us and judge us for not having fathers, when really, the system is set up in a way to take our fathers from us.

When I started to understand those things, I was like, I've got to change that. One, I've got to be a better role model and example of what a Black father looks like. Two, I have to make sure that people understand in a way that is easily digestible to them. I've wanted them to understand the struggles of just being a Black man in America, in a way that isn't confrontational, to where they're like, “Oh, yeah. Always complaining, or whatever.” I just wanted them to understand in a really simple way.

Because of that, it's like, most of my audience of the Free Hugs Project and the work that I do, like the Black and Blue Podcast, I was just laughing with the sheriff recently, because I asked him, I said, “If you were to look in your stats on Facebook, or on your social media, what's the majority of people there following you?” He said, “Middle-aged white women.” I said, “Mine, too.” He said, “How is that possible?” I said, “Because it's like, I'm trying to create allies. I'm trying to create accomplice to the fight, to the struggle.” Because if it's always people who look like me, that are complaining about the things that are going on in our lives, then that's all it will be treated as, as, “Oh, the Black people are just complaining again.”

If you put it in other people's face, and you say, “Hey, here's what we're being faced with in this country. Here's the injustice that we see regularly.” I was like, “If you can help other people understand that, people from other cultural groups, backgrounds, different races, and ethnicities. If they can see that, that's how you form more allies. That's how you move more towards peace and understanding.” If it's just an echo chamber, if I'm just like, “Yo, Light. Man, I got pulled over by this cop, and this happened, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” you'd be like, “Of course, all of us.” We all deal with that.

When you're saying that to your white ally friend, male or female like, “Hey, I got pulled over and this happened and that happened.” They're like, “My experience has never been anything like that when I got pulled over.” It's like, well, that's the problem, right? How do we work towards changing those things? When I understood that, that's when I started putting more focus into that work, because I was like, “I could be a changemaker in my own way.” The Black community might not fully understand the reason why I do things the way that I do, but there's a community that I speak to who it's important for them to understand what our experiences are. That became the shift of the work to be more on the frontlines.

LW: Also, going back to the party bus experience, that was the breadcrumb of you working with police officers, learning what their priorities are, and how to speak their language. Then on your Hollywood Boulevard 5K, same thing. You're dealing with 50, 75 cops. Then, by the time you decide to go to North Carolina to participate in this crazy, chaotic protest/riot –

KN: Yeah. Out on the frontline. Yup.

LW: You had a very interesting interaction with a cop.

KN: Yeah. It's really interesting that you say that, because sometimes I don't even think of it like that. Yes, my early days of understanding crowd control when dealing with law enforcement, when I'm dumping off, sometimes a 1,000 people on Saturday night. You're loading up all of these buses with people, and then going back and picking up people for prom. It's like, man, on one Saturday, we might move a 1,000 people.

Of course, when you get to those places, there's police standing outside the doors of nightclubs and like, hey, everybody, stay cool. Hop in line. Then, I would talk with the officers, talk with the bouncers. Yeah, you're right. I had those early interactions with law enforcement. Then of course, with the Hollywood half marathon, all of the police that I would sit in meetings with, for the planning of the event. I went from growing up disliking beliefs, to understanding that, if we work together, there's a lot that we could accomplish.

I took that same mindset of being out on the front lines of, look, we can work together and actually solve something and not have to attack one another. That's why one of my more viral, or the most viral frontlines moment that I've ever had was in Charlotte in 2016, as people were starting to loot from stores, it reminded me of the LA riots all over again. The first thing I thought was spring into action, talk to the protesters and try to get them to stand down and not destroy their own community.

Then from there, as I'm walking and talking with the protesters, that was when this large, white officer looked at my shirt, and he said, “Hey, man. Do I get one of those hugs?” You pause in a moment like that, because it's literally, gunshots going off, there's tear gas in the air, people are choking, there's these flashbang devices. Everyone is running in different directions, because some people were there just to destroy things. Some people were there with valid reasons for protest. Some were just knuckleheads. They’re setting fires. They're breaking fights, or breaking into fights.

Here I was, as this officer asked this, and I saw it just as a moment of extending that olive branch of, can we bridge the gap and create some peace between this white officer in Charlotte, North Carolina, and this Black peace activist who ultimately, just wants peace and to really get people together to talk about the issues, rather than attacking one another? So, I hugged him. Prior to hugging him, I had already assumed that all of these protesters who I was talking with earlier, who understood why I was there, some of them had even – they were watching some of my former videos, and they were bugging out that I was there like, “Yo, it's the free hugs guy. Man, I can't believe you came out here.” I'm having conversations with them. Literally, just because of hugging this officer, it was like, boom, the crowd turned on me.

I always talking about how you go into fight or flight mode, and I'm still really fast. I could have just run away and it would have been over, right? No one there would have caught me, that's for sure. I was like, “This is your moment.” When I was a boy in the LA riots in ’92, and everyone's running in and out of the shelter with all these things that they looted from the stores, and I wanted to be a part of it. Instead, my mother put emphasis and focus on what would Dr. King do? Then that same mentality came into my head right there on the front lines. What would Dr. King do?

[END]

If you'd like to hear how the rest of Ken's story unfolds, continue with episode number 85 at around the one hour and 25 minute mark, and also be sure to follow Ken on the socials at KenNYDKJr, that's K E N N W A D I K E J R.

And if you enjoyed our conversation, check out episode 29 with Arjuna O'Neill, who turned a near fatal shooting into a catalyst for helping at risk youth. I also recommend checking out episode 81 with Garen Jones, who transformed his life from living in a car to becoming a successful author and speaker, all starting with a simple conversation at a gas station.

And if you know of someone else who's had an incredible plot twist in their life, and they're out there making the world a better place, please send me your guest suggestions to light@lightwatkins.com

Also, please take a few seconds to rate and review the show, and I'll see you on Wednesday with the next long form conversation about an ordinary person who's out in the world doing extraordinary things to leave the world a better place.

And until then, keep trusting your nudges, keep following those whispers from your heart, and keep saying yes to the uncomfortable moments that stretch you, and if no one's told you recently that they believe in you, I believe in you. Thank you and have a fantastic day.