249: Plot Twist: How Burnout and A Life-Threatening Panic Attack Led Manoj Dias to Rediscover Peace and Purpose

In this bite-sized episode of The Light Watkins Show, Light shares a powerful "Plot Twist" moment from a past conversation with Manoj Dias, a mindfulness and meditation teacher who experienced a life-changing transformation.

Manoj was on the fast track to success, working in marketing and climbing the corporate ladder. But behind the scenes, he was struggling. The pressures of his career, personal life, and a non-stop lifestyle eventually led to a panic attack that brought his world crashing down. What followed was a challenging journey through depression, addiction, and anxiety, as he desperately tried to hold it all together.

In this episode, Manoj reflects on the moment when everything shifted for him — the plot twist that changed the course of his life. After hitting rock bottom, a chance encounter with a meditation teacher opened the door to healing and self-discovery. Manoj talks openly about his struggles, his search for meaning, and how mindfulness helped him rebuild his life from the inside out.

Listeners will hear how even the toughest moments in life can turn into opportunities for growth and transformation. This episode is a reminder that plot twists aren’t setbacks — they’re often detours that lead us exactly where we need to go.

Tune in for an inspiring and relatable story that shows how mindfulness and meditation can help anyone overcome life's toughest challenges. Whether you’re facing stress, anxiety, or uncertainty, this episode offers valuable insights into finding peace and purpose.

And if you want to hear more about how Manoj navigated his mental struggles, click here.

Transcript

MD: " I knew I was stressed and I knew I was very internally conflicted about what I had chosen to do with my life. But I didn't think I had any sort of mental health issue.  But, the panic attack happened one day at work, and  it was very innocuous at the start. I came in, I had a coffee, and my assistant came in, gave me a bunch of work, and then just was, She's looking at me really weirdly and she's like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And then she looked at me, a few more moments and then left. And as soon as she left, I felt my hand started to tremor. I felt my heart beat really, really quickly and almost instantaneously thought it was just the coffee. Then I felt a swelling of emotion coming up and felt like I was about to cry in the middle of my office. That really started, I remember running out and I was walking through the city of Melbourne, hyperventilating. And at one point, I was in this little alleyway, just hunched down on my knees and on my feet, just thinking I was about to die. And I called up my therapist at the time and I'm like, I think I'm about to die.

[INTRODUCTION] 

Hey friend, welcome back to The Light Watkins Show. I’m Light Watkins, and I have conversations with ORDINARY folks, just like you and me, who’ve taken extraordinary leaps of faith in the direction of their path, their purpose, or what they’ve identified as their mission in life. 

Today, we have a bite-sized “Plot Twist” episode. A plot twist is a shorter clip from a past episode, where the guest shares the story of the pivotal moment in their life trajectory where they found the gateway to their calling. And the idea behind sharing their plot twists is to inspire you to lean in to those plot twists when they happen in your life, because they’re often detours that lead you exactly where you need to go.

Sometimes, that plot twist looks like getting fired from a job, losing a bunch of money. Or in the case of today’s guest, Manoj Dias, it was a combination of personal and professional pressures that built up, leading him to experience a life-threatening panic attack. 

Manoj had spent years working his way up to a lucrative career in marketing, but he was burning the candle at both ends—obsessed with work, appearance, and partying. His world came crashing down when that panic attack revealed how disconnected he had become from himself, eventually sending him into a spiral of depression, addiction, and anxiety.

But then, a chance introduction to a meditation teacher changed everything. This plot twist took Manoj in a completely new direction, one that led him toward healing and a deeper connection to mindfulness.

Let’s listen in...

MD: I was in a relationship for seven years with my daughter's mother. Obviously, at the age of 18, none of us planned to have a child. She was my first love. When it happened, it didn't even occur to me that I had options, if I'm being really vulnerable and open right now. It just occurred to me that, “Okay, this is what we're doing. How can I be a good father?” I wanted to be a good father and provide the way that my dad had.

I mentioned earlier on, family was so important to our dynamic as a culture and as an identity for me and my family. I wanted to instill that. I want it to be a good father. I tried everything to do that. I feel really proud of who I was back then; a lot of messing up, but I had the foresight, and I had some really good role models around me that showed me what a father could be like. I took responsibility. We stayed together for many years. We raised a really beautiful young woman now.

It was very hard. It was very hard. My friends were in college, they were partying, going out, taking drugs, nightclubs, and I would be home changing nappies on Saturday nights. It never felt like I was missing out, but when we eventually separated when I was around 23, 24, I realized how much I had missed out on in my life, and how I had this yearning to explore and get to know myself. I did that.

LW: Prior to the news that you're having a child, what did you want to be? What did you see yourself becoming? How did you define success in the world at that 18-year-old stage of life?

MD: Well, I knew the definition of success was equated with money and security. That was what was embedded into my psyche. Be a doctor, or be a lawyer, or be a businessman, or be an engineer. I remember, my first love was to be a dancer. That quickly was not an option for my parents.

My second option was to be a fashion designer. I don't know why. I am like, I want to create beautiful fashion, because I always had a real penchant for clothing. My mother sat me down and she's like, “No, you can't do that. Because how many people make money off that?” Again, it was very narrow thinking, but this is how she was raised as well. I don't blame her for that. I didn't know what I was going to do. I just know I had to do whatever I did really, really well. It was likely going to be in business, because that was the most vague university degree I could get at the time.

I had my sights set on that. Then my final year of high school, obviously, I had Taylor. I didn't end up going to college until many years later. I started working straight away. I started working at a bank, at a branch, actually. That was my first job. It was humbling. The motivation was, I was now looking after a child. Be humble and work hard was my motto at that point.

LW: Were you good at it, working at a branch? Or is it literally just a means to an end?

MD: No, it was probably both. I never saw myself staying at a branch, working at a bank. I ended up working at this bank for about eight, nine years, actually. I was there for a while, and I worked my way up, actually, to being a marketing director, which was a really pivotal moment in my life as well, knowing I could do that. I loved people and I got to meet people a lot. I got to see people. I got to connect with people. I got to listen to people. I got to be human, and I got to see different versions of people. That part of my job was really fun. I can't say, I had a very strategic mind at that age, or I was very analytical, but I definitely enjoyed the other aspects of the role.

LW: Had you reach a ceiling in terms of your growth in that industry? Is that why you went back to school? Because eight years is some significant experience.

MD: Yeah. I think very early on, I was really interested in marketing, because it became – I looked at the bank, and I was working for Australia's biggest bank at that point. I'm like, “What is the most creative job I could do right now?” It was marketing and advertising, because I do have a mind that's a lot more creative than it is analytical. I was definitely not going to do financial planning, or going into business banking, or anything like that. It sounded cool. It was my motivation for going back to college and to doing marketing. I ended up doing a master's in marketing, and utilized that for a few years. Then gave that up as well.

LW: What did you learn in the graduate program in marketing that you didn't know after eight, nine years of working in that banking position and marketing?

MD: I just learned, I think in the first semester, that this is not who I wanted to be. This is not what I wanted to do. I actually felt very depressed during that that course, because I'm like, “What is my life? What am I going to do with my life, if this is what I'm somewhat good at?” I have a child to look after. I resigned myself to the fact that okay, well, this is my life. Everyone doesn't get to choose. Yeah. I mean, thanks for that probe, because I'm reflecting on that now. That's what was there. I was like, “This is it. I guess, I'll just see my days out working for the man.”

I think, it's similar to what a lot of probably our students come to us with these days, it's like, they don't realize the world is more expansive than then we think it is. I genuinely thought, this would be my life and that's it. I learned very early on, it wasn't for me, but I stuck with it because I didn't think I had options.

LW: Well, it sounds like it fit into the model of success that you had been indoctrinated into. At the same time, with the child and all that, your practices, your Buddhist practices fell by the wayside. You mentioned that you would begin burning the candle at both ends. Talk about that moment of realization that this is not sustainable.

MD: That was when I was – I completed my course and I was a marketing director at the time for an insurance company. I had just begun a long-distance relationship. I was managing five staff. It was, at that point, the most lucrative job that I was in. My dad would tell me constantly how proud he was of how I turned my life around at that point. Burning the candle at both ends really meant I was working really, really hard. Working out really, really hard, because I was obsessed with how I looked back then. Me and all my friends would go to the gym after work and became a thing.

Then, because I was in the marketing and finance world, on Friday and Saturday nights, we would go and smash ourselves. Literally, we would just drink. It was pretty gnarly how we would just do that week in and week out. That became our version of release of fun. It was pretty constant. I saw, I was the youngest, obviously, at this point. All the guys and ladies in my team were much older than me. They're in their 30s, 40s and 50s. They were doing this too. I'm like, “Okay, so this is my life.” Again, I would say that.

I'm in a job, I’m in a career that I'm not a 100% passionate about. On the weekends, I go and drink and we have laughs and feel bad. Then I back it up the next week. This is it. I'm like, okay, and I didn't have, again, another version of that, another version of what could be possible to see. Life was very one-dimensional at that point.

Eventually, I had a pretty serious panic attack at work. Leading up until that, I didn't think that I had anxiety. I didn't think I had any – I knew I was stressed and I knew I was very internally conflicted about what I had chosen to do with my life, but I didn't think I had any mental health issue. Back then, in those years, we never spoke about mental health. If you had anxiety, there was something seriously wrong with you. Even the mere mention of seeing a therapist, you're like, “Whoa, did you hear? Manoj is seeing a therapist.” It was like that. It was wild.

The panic attack happened one day at work. It was very innocuous at the start. I came in. I had a coffee. My assistant came in and gave me a bunch of work and then just was looking at me really weirdly. She's like, “Are you okay?” I'm like, “Yeah, I'm fine.” Then she looked at me a few more moments and then left. As soon as she left, I felt my hand started to tremor. I felt my heart beat really, really quickly. Almost instantaneously, thought it was just the coffee. I’m like, whoa, strong coffee. Then I felt a swelling of emotion coming up. I felt I was about to cry in the middle of my office. That really started it. I remember running out and I was walking through the CBD of Melbourne hyperventilating.

At one point, I was in this little alleyway, just hunched down on my knees and on my feet, just thinking I was about to die. I called up my therapist at the time. I'm like, “I think I'm about to die.” She's like, “You better come and see me then.” I went and saw her. Bless her, but she spent maybe 20, 30 minutes with me and said, “I think you have ADHD.” That was the diagnosis. Then the prescription was medication. That started a whole chain of events. I ended up developing an addiction to the ADHD medication, and I ended up developing chronic insomnia as well as a byproduct of that, and then developed an addiction to the medication to help me sleep. That moved into an eating disorder. That moved into a whole host of other ailments that accompanied me for about 18 months to two years.

LW: You saw a couple of other doctors as well to get second and third opinions and they all diagnosed you with something different, correct?

MD: Correct. Correct. Yeah. One said I had depression. I took SSRIs for about two weeks, and then was just completely out of my body and stopped that. I went to a shamanic healer, because I'm like, “It can't hurt. I'm trying all these different things.” One said I'm just stressed out and just to rest. I don't say, all of this to denigrate the profession at all. I think, I've got a tremendous therapist right now, that has been a lifesaver. I also think back then, we didn't understand a lot like we do now for sure. We tend to be, oftentimes, very quick with numbing and trying to fix the problem instead of trying to really understand the problem.

LW: Were you sneaking around, going to see these healers and doctors, or did your drinking buddies on the weekend know that you were going through this process?

MD: No. After I had that panic attack, I became a recluse. I didn't see any of my friends. I couldn't work. I literally didn't work for 18 months to two years. I was living off my savings.

LW: Does that mean you literally quit your job? You told them, “I can't come back to work.”

MD: Yeah. Yeah

LW: They just said, “Okay”?

MD: No. They were like, “Why?” Tried to get me to come back. I just couldn't, is the reality. My mind was pretty fried at that point. Yeah, I did go to different therapists. I probably wasn't as committed to one because, intuitively, I felt like, this isn't right for me. Even the lady that I saw that gave me ADHD, I saw her for 12 months. The whole time I'm like, “I don't I have this.” Back then, what do I know? This lady's gone to college, and she’s skilled and highly recommended. I'm just going to trust her. Yeah, that was a scenario for a long period of time.

LW: You were taking Xanax to go to sleep, which you developed an addiction to. You were on Ritalin during the day to stay awake, which you were also addicted to. Your mom came in, you were living with your brother, I believe, at a certain point. Your dad was sending you money, right? Is this all correct?

MD: Yeah.

LW: Did you realize you were addicted, or did someone around you say, “Manoj – Manoj, excuse me. You need to do something about this. This is not cool.”

MD: No. I knew, I couldn't really function. The thing with those particular drugs is not that they – I didn't take them, because it made me feel good. I had to take Xanax to fall asleep. When I didn't sleep, and there would be countless times where I would take a whole tablet of Xanax and not sleep. It was that bad, the insomnia. For me, I never took it recreationally to have fun and go out and party. It was just like, I can't actually function without these things. At a certain point, I stopped taking Ritalin, but I was still taking Xanax because that was the only way I was able to go to sleep and to wake up. It wasn't until, obviously, and we'll get to that part, and I met my teacher that things started to change.

LW: It also disassociated you from your body, which is something we all know now from hearing as much of your story, you really don't like, that you can't tolerate it. You started having suicidal ideations. What stopped you from taking that more seriously?

MD: Two things. One was my daughter, just the idea of someone having to tell her was very heartbreaking for me. The other thing was that there was someone watching over me. I didn't know again, if it was put up, or God, spirit consciousness. I'm like, there is a world outside of this. I started praying, and I didn't know who I was praying to. I remember at one point, I was just like, every night, I would go to sleep and just asked to be better and to look out and for life to look after my child and my family and my friends. Yeah. Prayer became a very central practice to me.

LW: Looking back at that period of your life with your mom, your brother, your dad around, which is the benefit of coming from this family-oriented society. Your daughter, who is an accidental addition to your life and ended up inadvertently saving your life, possibly, is there anything that you found that your associates, or friends, or even your family were doing that helped you in hindsight to get through this period? Is there anything that they were doing that may have been unintentionally harming you more, or saying during that time?

MD: Yeah. I think, it's such an interesting question, when you consider what it was like, 16, 17, maybe 18 years ago, versus now. I think now, we have a lot more understanding around mental health. We talk about it more openly. It's not something that's riddled with shame, when someone says, “I'm anxious,” it's almost your everyday vernacular now. That's a language. Back then, it was very strange. Again, for immigrant families, you just don't talk about these things. It's like, when I said, “I might be depressed.” My dad was like, “What do you got to be depressed for? You've got everything you want.

LW: Snap out of it.

MD: Snap out of it. I don't shame them at all for that language, because they never were educated on how to navigate that themselves. I think, what I experienced with my mother, and subsequently, my teacher, was compassion. That was really what began to transform my life. My mother, and we have a love-hate relationship at the best of times. I'm sure a lot of people do. She just came from Hong Kong, where she was living, and just cooked for me every day. A lot of the time, I wouldn't eat, because I just couldn't. She would just cook for me every day. She'd make my bed every day. She’d just be there. That is just tremendously precious and sweet and it's the love of mother, obviously, a love of a parent.

Just knowing that she was there in the house felt very healing. Because prior to that, while I was going through a lot of these problems, I was living by myself. My parents were living in Hong Kong at the time. Just to have them around, just to know that someone was there caring for you was really special. Then later on my teacher, for sure

LW: Yeah, because 18 months is significant. That's a significant amount of time. If you have a friend who's being reclusive for that long, there are few people who could be compassionate in that situation like that. Because eventually, you would certainly – well just, come on, man. You got everything. That's oftentimes the wrong thing to say, if you're really trying to hold space for someone like that.

This friend of yours that eventually was successful in getting you out of the house. Was he one of your old drinking buddies? Was he a new friend who was into Buddhism? Where did he come from? How did you know this person?

MD: Yeah. He was actually a very, very new friend that we had just vaguely crossed paths with. It was on Facebook. He sent me a message. He's like, “Hey, let's go check out this studio.” He sent me a video of the studio. The video had my teacher, who was a Sri Lankan man, and he was young. He looked honestly younger than me. I'm like, “Strange.” He had this really thick Sri Lankan accent. Just the way he was speaking, just something about it was very – it just spoke to me. I felt at that moment, it's like coming home. I heard that accent. I saw this guy, just talking about suffering and all these different elements of life. I'm like, “Ah, this feels like it could be something really good.”

The funny story is, I actually messaged him on Facebook, or sorry, on email, and I'm like, “Hello, these are all my problems.” I listed them all down. I didn't even know what came over me. I just thought he should know. Again, up until this point, I thought it's a yoga studio, so maybe he thought this posture would be good for me. He replied back, with just saying, “I've been waiting for you. Come on Thursday.”

LW: How long did it take him to reply back to your message?

MD: About two hours. I assumed my friend had mentioned something to him. I later found out he hadn't, at all. It was one of the many spooky things that I experienced with him. I definitely think it was very karmic, our connection.

LW: Did your friend know you were going through all this emotional, psychological, spiritual problem?

MD: I think so. I think, he assumed. I wasn't very good at talking about my feelings. Maybe a lot of people listening to this can relate, especially as men, but I wasn't very good at being open with a lot of my friends, I didn't explain to them the depth of what I was going through. I just said, a lot of the time, I was like, I'm just going through a hard time. I'm just sick. Those would be some of the things that I would say. I would never really open up about what I was going through. That was part of the problem in retrospect. That was my way of handling those things.

LW: It's just so interesting that this person you barely knew was able to intuit that this is something that could potentially help you and then was able to persuade you to come out of your cave and introduce you to this person. Let's cut to the studio. You meet your teacher for the first time. You had mentioned the feeling you had earlier. Can you just talk a little bit more about that.

MD: Yeah. I rarely believed in things like this prior to me experiencing it. There was something really magical about seeing this teacher for the first time, in which I looked at him and I'm like, “Oh, I've seen you before.” Just a very familiar feeling. That didn't feel woo-woo at the time at all. As we're going through the class, it quickly became evident that this wasn't a normal yoga class. This was very much like Dharma talk and meditation, and some gentle movements. It was like he was seeing into my experience, and telling me exactly what I needed to hear. The first thing is that suffering is inevitable 

I felt like I was hearing that again for the first time. He's like, we are all going to suffer in this life, simply by being born. I was like, “Interesting.” Then he's like, “Don't identify with your suffering.” Then he was like, “You are not your thoughts.” When he said that, there was something again, pretty incredible that happened. It was like, it snapped me out of a dream because, at that moment, I noticed I was having all of these thoughts, and I became consciously aware of it.

One thought was, you're never going to get well again. Another thought was, you're a terrible father. How are you going to make a living? What are you going to have for lunch? All of these random thoughts were going on. I realized, at that very moment he said that, that I could observe these thoughts without actually becoming each thought. Up until that point, I was thrown around, yanked around by every thought that I had. That was really interesting for me. I think, that was the hook that got me to come back the next day and the next day and the next day.

[END]

That was Manoj Dias, sharing his remarkable plot twist. And if you want to hear more about how Manoj’s journey unfolded, you can go to episode 61 and start listening at the 50-minute mark. And while you're at it, don’t forget to follow Manoj on social media at @manojdias_.

And if you connected with this conversation, I also recommend checking out my interviews with Africa Brooke, episode 150, and Garrain Jones, episode 81. Both Africa and Garrain share powerful stories of overcoming adversity and finding purpose, much like Manoj.

And if you know someone who has had an incredible plot twist in their life, and they’re making the world a better place, please send me your guest suggestions at light@lightwatkins.com.

My other ask is that you take a few seconds to leave a rating or review for the show. You hear podcast hosts like me ask listeners like you for ratings, because that’s how guests determine if they’re going to come onto a podcast. So it makes a huge difference. And all you do is look at your device, click on the show name, scroll past the first five episodes, and you'll see a place with five blank stars—just tap the star all the way on the right to leave a 5-star rating. And if you're feeling generous, write a one line review, just letting a potential new listener know which episode they should consider starting with. And that can go a long way as well.

Also, you can watch these Plot Twist episodes on my YouTube channel if you prefer see what Manoj looks like as he’s sharing his plot twist. And don't forget to subscribe on Youtube as well. 

Okay, I’ll see you on Wednesday with the next long-form conversation about an ordinary person doing extraordinary things to leave the world a better place. And until then, keep trusting your intuition, following your heart, and keep leaning into those Plot Twists in your life. And if no one’s told you lately—I believe in you.

Thank you, and have a fantastic weekend!